Ask Angelo!

[Guest Guest]

Carrying on from Noctalys's question, if we do decide to take revenge on Angelo, will he drop phat lewt?

 

Please note that I am guest posting to protect my identity, so that Angelo does not know whose knife may strike! Keep the bastard on edge, I say.

[Sister Vigilante]

Carrying on from Noctalys's question, if we do decide to take revenge on Angelo, will he drop phat lewt?

 

Please note that I am guest posting to protect my identity, so that Angelo does not know whose knife may strike! Keep the bastard on edge, I say.

 

Smart.

 

Well, I can field this one You may feel free to help yourself to Angelo's nonmagical katana, his healing potion and his emerald.

 

You just had to mention the emerald, didn't you?

 

Oh come on, I'm sure no one is as petty as that. An emerald might keep a farmer in grain for a year, but to an adventurer, it's small potatoes. But come to think of it, why do you have that thing?

 

It was ah...entrusted to me by an old acquaintance. I've been meaning to pawn it. It's more portable than five hundred gold coins in any case.

 

I see. By the way--that "other" item you're giving them to sweeten the deal. Is it really smart to give it to them before the bargain is struck?

 

A gesture of goodwill, chief.

[Guest Guest]

That emerald sounds pretty phat. Sleep lightly, Angie.

[Mu-]

Hey, Mr. Angelo! I'm surprised that you're still alive. You're not one of those doppelgangers, are you?

 

Anyway, if you don't mind me asking-- like most fighters, I'm sure you would have gotten scars here and there (unless you're just that good). Any interesting stories behind one of them?

 

Also... Do you feel that you're a lucky man, or is that line something you'll rather taunt the opposition with?

[Eepacse]

Hmm, got a question for ya, mr Angelo. Kinda obvious, but, honestly - absolutly no lies - how do you feel about answering all these questions? Annoyed, bored, or are you merely doing it so that people may one day know your name beyond; "There's Dosan! Get him!"

 

Or the other option - which I highly doubt. Are you doing it out of the goodness of your heart?

 

Oh, and I assure you, there is absolutly no sarcasm in this question.

[Sister Vigilante]

Hello, hello! We're here with another episode of Ask Angelo!, same time, same place!

 

You know, happen you let the questions pile up a while instead of making me answer right off, you'd have a proper 'episode.'

 

Oh I could, but you're so long-winded the resulting post would probably spill into the next page. Shall we get cracking? Newcomer Mu- has a question, or rather two perhaps related questions, for you:

 

Hey, Mr. Angelo! I'm surprised that you're still alive. You're not one of those doppelgangers, are you?

 

Ah, this is the reason I took up the arcane arts in the first place. Pouring down fire from the sky is all well and good, but for my money, where they really shine is getting you out of a corner. I'm thinking of the Illusion school primarily. I beg you kindly though not to mention dopplegangers--things give me the chills, but proper. Brunos, old Rieltar's valet, gave me a hells of a scare one morn at breakfast when he got a blank stare all of a sudden. Sod thought he was a proper comedian.

 

Anyway, if you don't mind me asking-- like most fighters, I'm sure you would have gotten scars here and there (unless you're just that good). Any interesting stories behind one of them?

 

Heh, heh. Now, let's see...stories, stories. Would you prefer a true or a false? But I've a true one at hand, it happens. Thanks to timely magical intervention, I can still walk, but it was a close thing. Take off my right boot here

 

Please don't.

 

Noted.--and you'll see a whole mess of scar. Well what happened was, the wholesaler in charge of putting carrots in the soup of the Sembian infantry was a one Jose Cironne; charming fellow. Up-and-coming, wanted to get in good with the armed forces. So he was always having soldiers over to dinner. Not too smart, given the pretty young wife he had, but he was young himself and I suppose he learned in time. Anyhow, before these gray hairs came in, I wasn't so bad-looking myself. I cribbed a few lines out a tome of Tethyrian court poetry, snuck a moment alone with Madam Cironne on a moonlit balcony during a party; the rest, as they say, is a tale for closed doors.

 

Anyhow it happened I was taking my leave one night before daybreak, as a gentleman will do, when out of nowhere comes this--dire hound or somesuch. I had never seen the thing before; happen they kept it chained up during the day. And smart, because a dog the size of two bears might have made a rather poor effect at Mr. Cironne's gatherings. I'm talking about a dog so large it should have had other, smaller dogs orbiting around it.

 

But in truth...I could never bring myself to raise a hand to an animal. They never did a soul harm, you think, not like people. They can't help what's in their natures. So while I could have got my knife and cut its throat as it leapt--I ran instead. Not smart. I made it almost to the wall. In fact I made it halfway over the wall--when the thing got my foot. Between its howls and mine we must have woke the whole household. Well I got away. I had to give up a leather boot worth ten gold, half a week's pay in those days, but it was worth it to keeps on terms with Cirrone...and his delightful madam. Although perhaps understandably, my visits to his house were less frequent after the...incident.

 

Also... Do you feel that you're a lucky man, or is that line something you'll rather taunt the opposition with?

 

I...yes. Yes chief, I do.

 

Happen this isn't the first time only I walked away. Whether it's the gods, my predilection for saving my hide, or some amount of skill, this isn't the first time I got up while friends lay there cold. I suppose I should be thanking something--but it's not always a pleasant feeling, knowing a better man died. Make of it what you will.

 

Thank you. One last question from Eepacse, then:

 

Hmm, got a question for ya, mr Angelo. Kinda obvious, but, honestly - absolutly no lies - how do you feel about answering all these questions? Annoyed, bored, or are you merely doing it so that people may one day know your name beyond; "There's Dosan! Get him!"

 

Or the other option - which I highly doubt. Are you doing it out of the goodness of your heart?

 

Oh, and I assure you, there is absolutly no sarcasm in this question.

 

Well. I...love answering questions. Yes indeed. It fills me with a sense of...accomplishment.

 

And how.

 

There's nothing I'd rather do with my time. It's certainly not because I'm held hostage by a sadistic madman who threatens the very ground of my existence if I don't do as he pleases.

 

We-ell! Sadly, we seem to be all out of time. We're going to have to say fare

 

Listen. You there. Yes, you. I have an emerald here in my hand worth over five hundred gold. I will give it to you if you kill Sister Vigilante. It can't be that hard. Use divination magic, find out where he lives and

 

well for now! Thanks again for sending in your questions, but it really is time to go! Bye-nii!

[Iguana-on-a-stick]

So, Angelo is it. You sound like a sensible man, not the stuff of legends perhaps, but someone who would rather die peacefully in his old age than perishing heroically saving a princess from a dragon's lair or whatnot. I can respect that.

 

Still, for someone with such a self-avowed dedication to keep his skin from decorating some warlord's bannerpole, you do seem to have an uncanny knack for getting yourself involved with people who attract more trouble than a drunken Orc picking fights at a paladin convention.

 

So the question would be, couldn't someone of your talent and experience find a -safer- occupation somewhere, something that brings in a comfortable level of wealth but brings neither heroes storming the gates nor involves storming said gates yourself? There must be plenty of merchant princes or wealthy nobles who could use and reward your services, especially with your Flaming Fist credentials. (Don't tell me you can't put a positive spin on that whole business)

 

Why still on the road, Angelo?

[Amaurea]

So, Angelo is it. You sound like a sensible man, not the stuff of legends perhaps, but someone who would rather die peacefully in his old age than perishing heroically saving a princess from a dragon's lair or whatnot. I can respect that.

 

Still, for someone with such a self-avowed dedication to keep his skin from decorating some warlord's bannerpole, you do seem to have an uncanny knack for getting yourself involved with people who attract more trouble than a drunken Orc picking fights at a paladin convention.

 

So the question would be, couldn't someone of your talent and experience find a -safer- occupation somewhere, something that brings in a comfortable level of wealth but brings neither heroes storming the gates nor involves storming said gates yourself? There must be plenty of merchant princes or wealthy nobles who could use and reward your services, especially with your Flaming Fist credentials. (Don't tell me you can't put a positive spin on that whole business)

 

Why still on the road, Angelo?

 

You have reached Angelo's Answering Service. Regrettably, Angelo is unable to take your question at present. Given that he is loathe to stay in one place for any length of time, Angelo has set off on a whirlwind tour of Faerun. He will be making intermittent appearances here, so be sure to stay tuned for the next riveting episode of Ask Angelo, where he will answer all!

 

Tour-schmour, that mercenary SOB is holding out for better sponsor $$, I just know it...

[Sister Vigilante]

You have reached Angelo's Answering Service. Regrettably, Angelo is unable to take your question at present. Given that he is loathe to stay in one place for any length of time, Angelo has set off on a whirlwind tour of Faerun. He will be making intermittent appearances here, so be sure to stay tuned for the next riveting episode of Ask Angelo, where he will answer all!

 

Tour-schmour, that mercenary SOB is holding out for better sponsor $$, I just know it...

 

Thanks, A.

 

And now, we return!

 

Or most of Sister Vigilante returns, at any rate. He tells me he dropped about two hundred pounds in England--pounds sterling, that is. As well as the actual pounds he dropped because he couldn't buy any nourishing food.

 

*shudder* Don't remind me. Although you would have liked it; drinking is just about the only thing you can afford to do in London. Anyhow, Iguana-on-a-stick, whose non-de-plume brings back fond memories of another old CRPG, has quite a perceptive inquiry for you--which I must admit makes me wonder, as well. Any thoughts?

 

Hmm, aye. That's good counsel if ever I heard it. But come to it, happen that delightful episode in Baldur's Gate provides an illustration. A man employing my sort of skills, though he employ them well enough to stay on this side of the ground, tends to find he can't--so to speak--go home again. You might escape with your life, but not without a brace of characters who'd see you dead. And if you manage to outrun them for a time, to settle down's an invitation for them to catch you up.

 

But, now...

 

I'd not sound womanish, but I may as well unload my mind. The fact is, settling down means thinking. And there's many a subject I would just as soon not think about. Perchance, to be on the road is to avoid onesself, as much as any other.

 

Thank you.

 

Gods, I said too much, didn't I? Erase that last bit.

 

And, that's all the time we have! Parting is such sweet sorrow.

 

Erase it or may you spend all your time in Japan rooting through garbage bins!

 

Until next time!

[Nix]

Psst. Hey Angelo! Who do you think is hotter, Aerie or Jaheira? Be honest now.

 

Also, do you like poetry Angelo? Will you be reciting any to Charname, or maybe writing some? Care to recite some now?

[Amaurea]

I know that Angelo thinks that poetry is for the elves, but I wouldn't be surprised if he knew a few verses beginning like "There once was a wench from Berdusk..."

[Guest Dudette]

So, Angelo, I uh, met Shar-Teel and well, it went badly. The kind that ends up with my blade in her back.

 

You won't hold that against me will you?

 

Because you know, you're kind of hot.

[Amaurea]

Angelo's answering service, here...

 

Nix asked:

Psst. Hey Angelo! Who do you think is hotter, Aerie or Jaheira? Be honest now.

 

While I cannot speak for Angelo, I can make an educated guess on this one. Definitely Jaheira.

 

Dudette wondered:

So, Angelo, I uh, met Shar-Teel and well, it went badly. The kind that ends up with my blade in her back.

 

You won't hold that against me will you?

 

I'm sure Angelo will answer this in full when he drops by for his next visit Until then, I think considering his "just business" attitude might give some insight into the bottom line for him. Though reaching that point might come after some angst on his part, probably. Also, your, um, assets need to be figured into any equation when calculating just what Angelo might hold against you...

[Guest -Anonymous-]

Holla, Angelo!

 

Three not entirely unrelated questions for you, when you return.

 

First, I seem to recall, amongst your other outstanding traits back in Baldur's Gate, that your voice was about two octaves higher and much more.....how shall I put this....annoying? Care to explain the change in pitch? Is that some sort of effort to disguise yourself, not from me, but from your uh, former associates and those they would send after you?

 

Second, it has been noted on a couple of occasions that you don't bathe, much. Now, I understand that when one is out in the wilderness or deep in a dungeon or--that least favorite place of mine to venture--a sewer, bathing is something you cannot do. Been there, done that. But tell me why, once you get back to town and have sold your loot, you *don't* head for the bathhouse like everyone else?

 

Third, however do you charm all those lovely ladies while being in a state of relatively disadvantaged cleanliness? That's a trick for the ages for bards to sing of, I tell you!

[Sister Vigilante]

Aye, aye, holla and all that...Our friend Sister V nicely "asked" me to field this batch whilst he's off enjoying the cultural treasures of some island called Japan. Now happen where I come from, a feedbag where the coffee wenches are got up like fancy parlourmaids hardly counts as a "cultural treasure," but the sod always was a bit queer. Anyhow, I see a few that seem to lie a bit outside my ken, so I'll give him a holler when it comes to that.

 

Psst. Hey Angelo! Who do you think is hotter, Aerie or Jaheira? Be honest now.

 

Ah aye, the perennail choice twixt a beautiful, worldly lass who knocks the stars from their orbits when she walks, and a straw-haired scarecrow who takes twice the ordinary time to form a sentence. There you have a stumper indeed, my friend.

 

Also, do you like poetry Angelo? Will you be reciting any to Charname, or maybe writing some? Care to recite some now?

 

Poetry is like

Talking except that less gets

Said. Blah, blah, blah. Blah.

 

So, Angelo, I uh, met Shar-Teel and well, it went badly. The kind that ends up with my blade in her back.

 

Ah...so. Now...happen I'd hold it against you, and the point of a blade as well...but that I've heard talk, that the girl I knew changed more than a little with the seasons. No fool holds a grudge over the outcome of an honest fight. Can't say I'm pleased to hear of it--but I've more than enough blood on my own hands. Let's not speak more of this.

 

Now. Oi! Oi! Culture boy! You shift your carcass, I can't make head nor tail of this. No, I don't care if she has four cat ears--you are the cussed strangest damned cuss. Get over here. Now...what in the hells are you eating?

 

Taiyaki.

 

That doesn't tell me much, now does it? It looks like a perch dipped in honeycake batter.

 

Taiyaki is best when it's fresh.

 

Answer the thriced-damned questions already!

 

*sigh* Alright, alright...*munch*

 

The truth is, Anonymous, I haven't played BG1 in years. I hardly remember the first thing about the "real" Angelo. I'll go with...magic? That's right , magic.

 

*munch*

 

And lastly, the issue might be a sensitive one for Angelo, so I'll try fielding it. He does bathe occasionally, the trouble is more that he wears the same (leather) armor, day in, day out, and leather has a way of keeping smells. On a scale of one to ten with Korgan being the worst and, say, Aerie being the best, he probably ranks no worse than a three. Still, Anomen picks up on it during their exchanges, and it becomes something of a running gag (with the PC being able to comment on it as well).

 

I hope that answers everyone's questions! Sorry for the long delay; but Ask Angelo is never dead, it only sleepeth. Till next time--ja, matta ne!

 

*munch*