Ask Angelo!

[Sister Vigilante]

Amn, despite being a city full of corruption and betrayal, shows a disproportionately high ratio of adventurers with morals to those with a less then savory nature.

 

Therefore, given the already sparse pickings available to a group desiring power and profit over justice and peace, how does it feel to know that you face real competition for employment from an eccentric gnome, who is obsessed with turnips and believes that selling items that only he is capable of using is a good business plan.

 

*hem* Now, let's see what we have here...When you think about it, Jan is really quite a skilled thief, isn't he?

 

...Aye.

 

And his amusing stories help to while away many the long, empty evening?

 

That's one way of putting it.

 

But see here, Chief, without a good shield o' meat to hide behind, that gnome's about as useful as a heap of dismembered gnome limbs coated in dragon spittle.

 

Though when it comes to that, I seem to recall a certain dwarf...

 

Anyhow, far as this strange problem goes, I've given it a piece of thought. Seems to me there's no shortage of wicked folks in Amn, but they for the most part prefer to operate...alone. A glance at the fate of that "certain dwarf's" last adventuring party might help explain things.

 

Indeed, Dosan, not all of us posses your uncanny facility for cleansing the soles of boots with the tongue.

 

Oh gods blast it all when in the hells did you--

 

It's Ask Angelo!

[EpitomyofShyness]

Hey Angelo, with the approaching release of Sarevok's Romance by Aeryn how does it feel to know that romantically speaking you face very serious competition from your old boss?

[Sister Vigilante]

Dear Forum-goers,

 

It is with the sincerest regret we inform you that Angelo Dosan lies in critical condition in Athkatla Central Hospice after screaming so loudly and prolongedly that he sustained a rupture of the diaphragm. Brother Hale of the Lathanderites reports his prognosis is hopeful, although the process of recovery may be long and difficult.

 

In his stead I, Sister V, speculate his reaction to these developments would be less than sanguine; as he may indeed have been attempting to say at the time of his injury, although witnesses described the sounds emanating from his body as "bestial howls."

 

 

[i add parenthetically that I'm strongly tempted to write cross-mod for this; although I've been away from the mod for so long that I'm afraid I couldn't strike the right note. But as our questioner surmises, if there's any situation where sparks would fly, it's this--especially if Angelo and the PC were already in a bonded relationship by ToB. And she left him for Sarevok.]

 

 

Hey Angelo, with the approaching release of Sarevok's Romance by Aeryn how does it feel to know that romantically speaking you face very serious competition from your old boss?

[Luridel]

strongly tempted to write cross-mod for this

 

Yes. Yes please.

[Aeryn]

You know, my gut reaction was to think there was a heart attack in Angelo's future...poor guy. Get well soon, Angelo!

 

(Crossmod content would probably not be all that much work...Sarevok's romance is pretty uncomplicated...I'm just sayin'... )

[EpitomyofShyness]

It is with the sincerest regret we inform you that Angelo Dosan lies in critical condition in Athkatla Central Hospice after screaming so loudly and prolongedly that he sustained a rupture of the diaphragm.

 

NOOOOOO!!!!

 

I take it back I take it back!

 

*sniffs*

 

Get better soon...

 

But on another subject can you tell us any stories of your mercenary years before you joined the army? Any ridiculous adventures that'll leave us in stitches from laughing? Maybe if you make us laugh hard enough you'll even have some company in the hospital.

[Sister Vigilante]

I'm honestly getting rusty at writing for Angelo. Aeryn, strictly hypothetically, if you felt at all like writing any crossmod yourself, I'd be more than happy to look it over and give it the go-ahead [and technically speaking, everyone has permission to write crossmod for Angelo without my go-ahead]...I'm just not sure I have it in me

 

 

(I'm going to see if any more questions trickle in before I do another installment of Ask Angelo, they seem to come in short bursts...I'm really astonished this is still going after over a year)

 

 

You know, my gut reaction was to think there was a heart attack in Angelo's future...poor guy. Get well soon, Angelo!

 

(Crossmod content would probably not be all that much work...Sarevok's romance is pretty uncomplicated...I'm just sayin'... )

[Sister Vigilante]

Sorry to keep you waiting, all and sundry! Joining us after his extended convalescence is my co-host Angelo Dosan; who, never fear folks, seems to be bearing up quite well with the help of his *snicker* corset...

 

I believe the thrice-cussed healer called it an abdominal brace.

 

Man, that is totally a corset.

 

Be that as it may, chief, shall we address some queries, or sit here plunged in mutual loathing and resentment?

 

We could start a new show where I just make fun of you all the time. You're a peculiarly helpless target. Anyhow...just one this time, once again from Epitomy, although it's a doozy. Think you're up to the task?

 

But on another subject can you tell us any stories of your mercenary years before you joined the army? Any ridiculous adventures that'll leave us in stitches from laughing? Maybe if you make us laugh hard enough you'll even have some company in the hospital.

 

Is it just me, or am I being asked to write new content for the mod? Someone should ask "how would you romance my half-elf sorcerer protagonist, Lydia, in a series of fifteen event-triggered lovetalks?"

 

Why Sister, you speak as writing weren't the only thing that gave your hollow existence meaning.

 

Point taken. So, care to dish up something juicy?

 

Aye, so be it. So, hap' this may serve as a caution to those drawn by the allure of the mercenary life. I tell you, it isn't all gold, guts and glory, even supposing you're good and keep your hide in one piece. Working for money means you have to take the work as it comes, and there's money in other work than killing a sod.

 

Anyhow, I signed on with the Iron Throne near first thing out of the army. I think Rieltar took a shine to me, so to speak...you know he had certain, ahem, inclinations. I had to set him straight, but I can't say he took it too hard; after all, he had the money to slake his thirst elsewhere. Told me he'd the hankering for a Kara-Turan boy--something "exotic"-like--and set me out to find one.

 

Now, I was about as Kara-Turan by that time as a straight broadsword, but I scoured all the bordellos and came up with a sly young thing--who'd left, like myself I suppose, looking to broaden his horizons. So I brought him to the boss, and for a time he was living in high style. Now Rieltar was a sharp one and no mistake, but so much of his mind was taken up with business that his new boy didn't have much trouble getting around him, and I reckon he was raking it in from five or six other patrons on the side. When Rieltar did find out, he'd get as mad as an archdevil; but he'd really taken a shine to our boy, and couldn't bring himself to get rid of him.

 

But Rieltar's brother, see, was like and unlike him both; in more ways than one. He was a high-n-mighty one, a proper merchant prince of Sembia, so he did both honest and dishonest business; and he liked girls as well as boys. He met Rieltar's boy at a public establishment where he'd gone for girls, and made an appointment with him for the same place in a tenday.

 

Happen things went well at the brothel, and he was invited back to the brother's house for a drink or two. Now this boy, gods have mercy on him, was about as bright as a pick made of Nashkel iron, and didn't know Rieltar's brother from Drizzt, much less see the resemblance. When they led him into that mansion he was turning acrobatics, figuring he'd happened on real class. But when they had him wait in the parlor while the master slipped into something more comfortable, he got a look at the portraits over the mantle.

 

Convinced he'd been set up, he dived right out the window into a rosebush. Somehow I wound up picking the thorns out of his arm as I heard the story. I put two and two together pretty quickly, gave him a few good sound blows and told him to go back to Kara-Tur, to his old dam, and nail his boots to the kitchen floor.

 

Now I suspect Rieltar was as embarrassed over the episode as any of us, and I didn't catch him from him. Still, that was the last commission of that kind I ever received.

 

I'm sure we all feel...edified.

 

When you get an honest job, chief, you'll know what I'm talking about.

 

May that day be long in coming. Take care, all, and thoroughly and safely enjoy your next major secular/religious holiday!

 

So long, t'was good to know ye.

[IriaZenn]

So, Angie, I have to ask you as a close friend of Sarevok's do you have any advice for romancing the grumpy giant? I mean you're nice and all but that's the problem, you're too nice. I'm looking for someone with a little more spice.

[Sister Vigilante]

So, Angie, I have to ask you as a close friend of Sarevok's do you have any advice for romancing the grumpy giant? I mean you're nice and all but that's the problem, you're too nice. I'm looking for someone with a little more spice.

 

Apologies, skirts and trousers, but as Sister V is momentarily incapacitated, I'll take it upon myself to field this ah, most worthy enquiry...

 

Now what you must understand about Sarevok, ma'am, is that his virility is directly linked to his crippling sense of inadequacy. The more you abuse his masculinity, the better a lover he'll be; I promise you that. He also loves nothing more than a good beating. You can trust my word on that, I had to procure him many a lass before he went all cold as a dead fish...

 

And ah, as for endearments, I recall he'd go all to ochre jelly for "my wee lad" and "my pwecious one"...But above all, you mustn't forget, he's a coward who craves and fears intimacy. As hard as he tries to push you off, stay on him. By the time he starts threatening blood and ruing he e'er returned from the land of the dead to endure your attentions, you're near to the capture of his heart, m'lady.