BobTokyo Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Wow! Fantastic! A tongue in cheek (and mouth) approach that sneaks up on you, only to sink its fangs into your humorous! Well done! The run on sentance at the openning distracted me a bit, and there were one or two small grammar errors, but that's just nitpicking. If only this had been his epilogue. Link to comment
Bri Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Well, I had the idea last night when speaking with BevH on making a twist in a common fairy tale. Yeah, that first sentence was bad, and I went ahead and corrected it. Thanks for the kind words on the story, though. Link to comment
cliffette Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Very nice, Bri. I was a little confused near the beginning where I thought he was having a conversation with someone else, as opposed to himself (I think the description "the armoured figure groused" threw me - I was looking for another armoured figure!). But all in all, BobTokyo said it - enjoyable and rather sneaky. And poor Keldorn. Link to comment
Bri Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 Thanks Cliffette. Yeah, it needs a little more working. I did change line of grousing a tad bit. And as for why Keldorn? Anomen wouldn't return my phone calls ;-) Link to comment
cliffette Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 And as for why Keldorn? Anomen wouldn't return my phone calls ;-) He was probably in jail/hospital/therapy. Link to comment
Bri Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 He also has a restraining order against me. I'm not supposed to get within 10 Planes of his point of reference. Link to comment
BevH Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 He also has a restraining order against me. I'm not supposed to get within 10 Planes of his point of reference. *whistles innocently* Link to comment
Domi Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 What a twisted and funny version of the tale! I laughed like mad at the last line (btw - great ending, Bri!) Link to comment
Bri Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 What a twisted and funny version of the tale! I laughed like mad at the last line (btw - great ending, Bri!) Heh, thanks Domi Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 DARN!!! when i read jansen for directions, and gerhart for information, i had this mental image of the illusion dropping, and a young, comely moustached gnomish lass appearing in place of the sleeping beauty..and the first words out of her mouth was... sleeping jansen: well, well, well...a handsome paladin just past his prime...well, you know, this reminds me way back about my uncle rip van jansen, who also fell asleep for a hundred years, but it didn't take no kiss to wake him up, nope, just a jug of aged jansen turnip grog, 'course, the stench of good turnip grog will wake a week old corpse at 20 paces...that's why its illegal in amn to take turnip grog with you on a funeral, it got so bad when the deceased would pop up out of his coffin asking for a drink... keldy: DARN YOU GERHART AND JAN JANSEN!!! then i realized that's the kind of story I'd write... i like the ending, its very effective...and you deliberately didn't go into exactly how the girl fed...good choice, much more effective for us to speculate whether she's a soul sucker, vampire, or some sort of vegetable entity...brrr.... i liked it!!! Link to comment
Bri Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Well, one thing is for sure UUF, that would explain why too many princes didn't succeed ;-) Link to comment
cliffette Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Well, one thing is for sure UUF, that would explain why too many princes didn't succeed ;-) Not to mention retired. Link to comment
Bri Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 He also has a restraining order against me. I'm not supposed to get within 10 Planes of his point of reference. *whistles innocently* Heh, BevH has been a restraining influence on me. So has the electrodes ;-) Link to comment
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