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Grim Squeaker


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Four quotes from Otto von Bismarck (translated, of course):


When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice.
I have seen three emperors in their nakedness, and the sight was not inspiring.
People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.


and my favorite...


Laws are like sausages; it is better not to see them being made.

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George W. Bush Quotes:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." â€â€George W. Bush


"We stand for things." â€â€George W. Bush, Davenport, Iowa, Aug. 5, 2004


"They could still be hidden, like the 50 tons of mustard gas on a turkey farm." â€â€George W. Bush, on Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, Washington, D.C. , April 13, 2004


"My views are one that speaks to freedom." â€â€George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2004


"We must have the attitude that every child in Americaâ€â€regardless of where they're raised or how they're bornâ€â€can learn."â€â€New Britain, Conn., April 18, 2001


"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 5, 2000


"The great thing about America is everybody should vote."



"I understand small business growth. I was one."


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Sports Quotes

"I'm not an athlete. I'm a professional baseball player."

-John Kruk


"Surprise me."

- Yogi Berra on where his wife should have him buried.


"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him." - Yogi Berra


"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical." - Yogi Berra


"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six." - Yogi Berra


"I made a wrong mistake." - Yogi Berra


"They shouldn't throw at me. I'm the father of five or six kids."

-Baseball player Tito Fuentes, after getting hit by a pitch.


"It's permanent, for now."

-Cincinnati Red Roberto Kelly, announcing his new name would be "Bobby."


"The game was closer than the score indicated."

-Baseball player Dizzy Dean, after a 1-0 game


"Sure. I'm proud to be an American."

-Cincinnati Reds rookie pitcher Steve Foster, asked by a Canadian customs agent if he had anything to declare.


"It's a partial sellout."

-Atlanta Braves broadcaster Skip Caray, trying not to say the game has only drawn 6,000 fans.


"You guys line up alphabetically by height." - "Coach Pete" Bill Peterson


"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

-Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins, 1991


"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

-Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann


"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."

-Charles Shackleford of the NCSU basketball team


"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."

-Doug Collins NBA basketball coach


"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

-Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece


"My potential speaks for itself."

-Liliah Osterloh (USA) tennis player who finished the year ranked 111 in 1998.


"A black, a Puerto Rican and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The police."

-Muhammad Ali


"[He] called me a 'rapist' and a 'recluse'. I'm not a recluse."

-Mike Tyson (boxer), on writer Wallace Matthews


"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating." - Mike Tyson


"It's basically the same, just darker."

-Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons, 1991


"All I had to do is keep turning left!"

-George Robson, Winner of the 1946 Indy 500


"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of."

-David Coleman (on a sprinter)


"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria....I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."

-Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator


"If history repeats itself,

I should think we can expect the same thing again."

-Terry Venables


"I really lack the words to compliment myself today."

-Skier Alberto Tomba

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"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not entirely sure about the former.

--Albert Einstein

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I posted that one a while back up the thread. :) Goes to show it's a good one! :)

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"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical." - Yogi Berra


Actually, the quote is:


"Baseball is 90% half mental."


My dad loves Yogi Berra's quotes. :)

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If we're going with sports-quotes, I've got a few Swedish quotes:



"The [outlook of the] Cameroonian bench looks dark."

- Arne Hegerfors


"The [golf-]greens look like porkchops, only smaller."

- Göran Zachrisson


"It's never too late to give up"

- Rolf Zetterlund


"Ah, now he discovers what fun it is to play with the little things... the balls, that is!"

- Lasse Kinch

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Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. -Fred Allen


A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. - Steven Wright


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. - Steven Wright


A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. -Rodney Dangerfield


I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. -Rodney Dangerfield


I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. - Rodney Dangerfield


My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. - Rodney Dangerfield


Half the lies they tell about me aren't true. -Yogi Berra


Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life. -Muhammad Ali


I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on. -Muhammad Ali

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I see the the whole 'I'd like quotes that make you think, not funny ones' idea of this thread has died horribly in its bumpification...

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