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Comments On Dreaming Of Anomen


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You have a nice, clear writing style, and it shows that you do know how to make your language work for you.


Heh, if I had any complaint it would be that I would love to see an expansion of what you wrote. I realize that it was meant to just be a short story, but I would have loved to see it longer.


(And no, I wouldn't have minded if people made comment stuff on my works. On the other hand, I am taking a bit of hiatus from my own stuff...)

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Thanks, Bri. I debated on whether or not to make it longer - how much detail to include in the courting phase. I finally decided that this was a few moments she was taking after the battle with Melissan and everything was kind of whizzing by in her mind. But, yes, I probably should have made it a bit longer. And I don't mind constructive critism - it lets me know what I can/should do differently next time. :D

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Ok, I'm going to try to give some constructive criticism so please don't be offended if I go to far.


First off I really did like your piece. It was sweet and tragic and featured my favorite helmite. But overall the piece sounded more like a summary than a story. It made me think it was sort of a preface to a story about what happened to the couple later. I know you were trying to make it seem like their relationship was flashing before the Bhaalspawn's eyes but I still think you could have made it longer. People often remember things not so much in words as in images, like when you mentioned Anomen's shining armor the first time they met. Have her remembering the way he looked at her when he was still uncertain that she was interested, maybe show the courting gifts he gave her or the way his eyes sparkled when she said 'Yes'. If you have the protagonist remembering with her senses it will bring the piece more to life. It might make it even more poiniant at the end when the reader discovers the memories she's conjured of the wedding and their joy at having a child, are really dreams she's had that will go unfulfilled.


I hope all my rambling has been helpful. I look forward to seeing more of your writing. :D

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Thanks, Rob! Glad you liked it.


Rusalka - Thanks for the comments. Yes, I admit I should have taken it further and used more sensory language. I'm thinking of perhaps doing a prequel that will detail more of what happened prior to the end. I wrote this mostly because I do like Anomen. And also, because no matter what I seem to do, he keeps getting killed! :D And I really do appreciate the critiques - it helps me know what I should do differently.

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