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Things to do with a dead NPC/follower


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From Knights of the Dinner Table:



Whether they are called hirelings, lackeys, henchmen, or just lowlifes, all flunky-type non-player characters have two things in common: they are low in ability, and high in mortality. If they're not helpful when they're alive, why not get some usefulness out of them after they've died?


None require any special skills by the deceased, although cadaver size and state of decay may factor in.



1. Shield against missiles


2. Battering Ram (after rigor mortis sets in)


3. Monster bait


4. Hireling Morale "booster" ("Look what happened to Fred! He didn't follow orders...")


5. Gag gift


6. Castle or Hood ornament


7. Distraction for pursuing/attacking monsters


8. Anchor (best if wearing armor)


9. Clumsy but effective missile weapon (one, two, three, heave!)


10. Set off traps with


11. Melee weapon (when swung by the heels)


12. Fertilizer


13. Treasure storage (may need to gut and clean first)


14. Source of magic spell components


15. Doorstop


16. Sell to necromancers or other corpse collectors.


17. Body parts can be used for practical jokes.


18. Counterweight


19. Excessive mourning over body by PC may convince others of his sincerity and sensitivity.


20. Convenient person to blame (Party points to corpse and says, "He did it!")


21. Pit depth-testing


22. Put head on pole as warning to others


23. Low-lying obstacle (best if camouflaged)


24. Zombie servant (with animate dead spell)


25. Scarecrow


26. Puddle-crossing


27. Booby-trap (with appropriate spells or devices)


28. Emergency rations


29. Monster snack


30. Get to drive in high-occupancy lane without the annoyance of a living passenger


31. Chum


32. Receptacle for a lost soul


33. Advertisement for mortician/taxidermist (prepared corpses only)


34. Extra weight for better vehicle traction


35. Weapons/spell test target


36. Catapult ammunition (best if diseased)


37. Glue (some processing required)


38. Opportunity for dramatic speech about revenge, etc.


39. Ventriloquist's practice dummy


40. Raise up for monster fodder. Repeat as needed

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The Practical Adventurer's Guide to Coping with Casualties?



Personally, I prefer to combine


24. Zombie servant




10. Set off traps.



It's much easier when you don't have to carry them, and they for some reason they get so stroppy if you keep ressurecting them and prodding them along with a pike.

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Good laugh...


With, of course, crying over the ulimate Cheeze fighting tactic in Tutu:


IF ~~ DO ~SetGlobal("NPCFodder","GLOBAL",1)~ EXTERN ~BMyPCAbusesNPCS~ KOTD3



APPEND ~_BMyHireling~

IF ~!InParty("Honor") !InParty("Courage") InParty("Stupidity")~ THEN BEGIN KOTD3

SAY ~Run Away! Run Awaaaaay!~


++ ~I have mercy for you, Hireling~ + EXIT

++ ~Run, then, you silly rabbit + KOTD7








alright, I've been reading too much code to finish mis-coding the joke .. you guys carry on from here!

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