Things to do with a dead NPC/follower

[Bri]

From Knights of the Dinner Table:

 

 

Whether they are called hirelings, lackeys, henchmen, or just lowlifes, all flunky-type non-player characters have two things in common: they are low in ability, and high in mortality. If they're not helpful when they're alive, why not get some usefulness out of them after they've died?

 

None require any special skills by the deceased, although cadaver size and state of decay may factor in.

 

 

1. Shield against missiles

 

2. Battering Ram (after rigor mortis sets in)

 

3. Monster bait

 

4. Hireling Morale "booster" ("Look what happened to Fred! He didn't follow orders...")

 

5. Gag gift

 

6. Castle or Hood ornament

 

7. Distraction for pursuing/attacking monsters

 

8. Anchor (best if wearing armor)

 

9. Clumsy but effective missile weapon (one, two, three, heave!)

 

10. Set off traps with

 

11. Melee weapon (when swung by the heels)

 

12. Fertilizer

 

13. Treasure storage (may need to gut and clean first)

 

14. Source of magic spell components

 

15. Doorstop

 

16. Sell to necromancers or other corpse collectors.

 

17. Body parts can be used for practical jokes.

 

18. Counterweight

 

19. Excessive mourning over body by PC may convince others of his sincerity and sensitivity.

 

20. Convenient person to blame (Party points to corpse and says, "He did it!")

 

21. Pit depth-testing

 

22. Put head on pole as warning to others

 

23. Low-lying obstacle (best if camouflaged)

 

24. Zombie servant (with animate dead spell)

 

25. Scarecrow

 

26. Puddle-crossing

 

27. Booby-trap (with appropriate spells or devices)

 

28. Emergency rations

 

29. Monster snack

 

30. Get to drive in high-occupancy lane without the annoyance of a living passenger

 

31. Chum

 

32. Receptacle for a lost soul

 

33. Advertisement for mortician/taxidermist (prepared corpses only)

 

34. Extra weight for better vehicle traction

 

35. Weapons/spell test target

 

36. Catapult ammunition (best if diseased)

 

37. Glue (some processing required)

 

38. Opportunity for dramatic speech about revenge, etc.

 

39. Ventriloquist's practice dummy

 

40. Raise up for monster fodder. Repeat as needed

[Azazello]

Ummmm...

[BigRob]

The Practical Adventurer's Guide to Coping with Casualties?

 

 

Personally, I prefer to combine

 

24. Zombie servant

 

with:

 

10. Set off traps.

 

 

It's much easier when you don't have to carry them, and they for some reason they get so stroppy if you keep ressurecting them and prodding them along with a pike.

[cmorgan]

Good laugh...

 

With, of course, crying over the ulimate Cheeze fighting tactic in Tutu:

 

IF ~~ DO ~SetGlobal("NPCFodder","GLOBAL",1)~ EXTERN ~BMyPCAbusesNPCS~ KOTD3

END

 

APPEND ~_BMyHireling~

IF ~!InParty("Honor") !InParty("Courage") InParty("Stupidity")~ THEN BEGIN KOTD3

SAY ~Run Away! Run Awaaaaay!~

END

++ ~I have mercy for you, Hireling~ + EXIT

++ ~Run, then, you silly rabbit + KOTD7

END

END

 

IF KOTD7 THEN GOTO KOTD29

IF KOTD29 THEN GOTO KOTD40

IF KOTD40 THEN GOTO KOTD3

 

alright, I've been reading too much code to finish mis-coding the joke .. you guys carry on from here!