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Comments on: Together at Last


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thanks for the review Cedric. I do not know if i will post anything new here since my other fiction is a bit long to post here in my opinion. But if you want to read my other story about Menelanna please go to www.fanfiction.net. I am posting Heaven's Gift there. It is my sorta novelized version of BG2. Currenly up to 15 chapters. Again thanks for the review.

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Quite a good story Menelanna, there's nothing wrong with a happy ending now and again. I've always thought if any pantheon was likely to make some sort of direct intercession into the whole Bhaalspawn affair, it would be the elven one. Human gods messing with their people's souls wouldn't sit well with their pride (though perhaps they might have let it go to give Irenicus a temptation and a chance of redemption, it is their style).



The story could do with some proofreading though, there are one or two missing words and some problems with tensing here and there in the text. I've posted a couple of examples below, corrections in bold.


He did not open his eyes until they had brought him to the surface. She remembered how beautiful his eyes looked as he tried to hold back his tears at seeing the sun again.



“I have been watching you and am pleased with your actions. Here is what I wish to offer you. Choose to become a goddess and you will be accepted as a new member of the Seldarine. Choose to remain mortal and one from Arvandor will be returned to the world of the living if they choose so.â€Â
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thanks BigRob. i actually found those and fixed them...i just did that after i posted the story here...*smacks herself in head*

and i do not mean to be rude...but if you guys would like to make anymore comments (and I do love your comments), please put it in the section i have made for comments. Thank you!

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First, I only moved all the comments to the comment thread from your main text.. I apologize for any confusion this may cause.


Second, I apologize for being so late on reading this. Busy, and all that...


I admit, I am not that big a fan of Xan, but you did well with the story. Of course, after the whole Bhaalspawn Saga is done, the Bhaalspawn should be granted some peace :)


One suggestion is be careful how the spacing works when posting. Sometimes when posted the breaks between paragraphs, and such don't appear as good as they shoud.

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