Jan - Delainy

[Bri]

Dialogues with the gnome illusionist/thief

[Bri]

Jan:

"Delainy, I'm worried about you..."

 

Delainy:

"Oh, and why is that Jan?"

 

Jan:

"Well, during your last song, I thought I distinctly heard your voice cracking something terribly.  I mean, the paint was just peeling on the walls.  Cats were screaming for mercy.  But don't worry my dear, I believe that I have something that will cure you for what ails you."

 

Delainy:  *looks dubious*

"Oh, and just...what...do you have that will take care of my throat?"

 

Jan: *whips out an item from the depths of his robe*

"Why, its Jan Jansen's Miracle Cure.  Mixed with the ground testicles of the mighty gorgon, the feathers of a syphilitic harpy, my cousin Brinkman's (thrice-removed, on my father's side) nose hair, and the most important ingredient of all..."

 

Delainy:  *eyed the bottle warily*

"And what, pray tell, is the secret ingredient?"

 

Jan:

"Why, turnip juice of course.  You see, we take the raw turnip pulp, after its been boiled down, and all the impurities have been removed..."

 

Delainy:

"Turnips have impurities?"

 

Jan:  

"Of course they do!  Why, just last year alone, improperly prepared turnips claimed the lives of 25 unwary gnomes alone along the length and breadth of Amn.  Now where was I, oh yes, after all the impurities have been removed, we take the left over pulp, and mash it good until it is a fine paste about a quarter of an inch thick.  Then, we take the finest in holy water, I personally recommend the golden stream from the goddess Sharess, others prefer the white fluid from the teat of Sune, but anyways, you mix the turnip paste with all the ingredients, and allow it to ferment under the light of the full moon...and voila, you have the finest concoction this side of Candlekeep.  It's guaranteed to smooth over any vocal problems you have, as well as have a million other uses.  Do you wish for a depilatory cream, strong enough to remove the hair from Aunt Gertrude's back?  This will do the job.  Is your man suffering from erectile dysfunction?  This is guaranteed to 'pick up' his spirits.  Do you have any cracks in your castle walls?  This will seal your fate faster than you can say disestablishmentarianism!"

 

Delainy:

"Um...sounds wonderful Jan..."

 

Jan:

"Here, take this bottle, its a free sample...if you are pleased with the product, then you know where to find me..."

 

Delainy:  *taking the bottle*

"Um...thank you...I guess..."

 

Jan wanders off, and Delainy surreptitiously pulls out a gold coin, and removes the top of the bottle, immediately turning her head at the noxious cloud that emerges, and trying to ignore the foul odor that is originating from the bottle.  She gingerly puts the coin on the ground, and puts a tiny dab of the liquid on the gold coin.

 

Delainy steps back as there is a giant flare of light, and she covers her eyes with one hand, holding her nose with another.  As the smoke slowly drifts away, she sees a small brownish blob, where the coin had been, in a hole three-inches wide, and two-inches deep on the ground.

 

(And she also gets a potion of explosions in her items)