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Comments on His Daughter

Guest Asmodyan

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Guest Asmodyan

That bad, huh? O, well... Hopefully the later submissions will shift this one down to the bottom of the page. :( In other words - I got the point and will try harder next time. :p

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That bad, huh? O, well... Hopefully the later submissions will shift this one down to the bottom of the page. :( In other words - I got the point and will try harder next time.  :p


It's not that so much, it's just I've been busy with real life stuff, though I do try to read and comment on everything here when I do get time


The other thing is, compared to PPG and FWS, we aren't as big a place for fanfiction. So, traffic is definitely lighter too :D

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Okay, I have finished reading this, and let me first give you my assessment. It did think it was well written, and good. There are a few minor grammatcial errors but nothing too serious. I mean, if the the most egregious I saw was you wrote 'stir-up' when the word you want is 'stirrup' then that isn't bad at all. I've done much worse. I definitely don't think this is a work you should be ashamed of.


A few comments related to your story (nothing bad, I promise):


Additionally, I think some of your problems was that you said it was Rated R. I will be honest, at most I would describe it as PG-13, and a case could even be made for PG. That may have scared off a few people.


Also, look at the view count. This may not mean much, but you got over 90 views, which is pretty fair for our corner of cyberspace. Even if you discount the number of posts you did (9 of them) that still means you got over 80 views.


As I mentioned above, I would have read it sooner, but I've been busy, and I think that also might be some of the problem. You posted a large, complete work at once. Which is good for me, since I do like to read everything at once (heh, and I know I'm bad at going long periods of time between other works). However, such a case can be daunting for people who stop by and want something short to read...at least initially.


Finally, you may wish to register with Gibberlings Three. That way, if there were things you wanted to alter, you easily could do so.


Now for some content comments:


I do like how you showed that there are consequences to various deeds, even after the Bhaalspawn Saga is officially over.



I even did like how Jaheira died. Yes, it is reasonable for someone to say, "After the events of the Saga, she wouldn't die to a bandit that easily."


My answer is...maybe. When all is said and done, she is still mortal, and a lucky blow could still strike her low.


And I do think it was reasonable for Yoshimo to be an instructor in Kara-Tur, and that his pedigree was the reason for his fleeing to the lands of the Sword Coast.


I am glad that you skipped major parts of the Bhaalspawn Saga that have become quite well known to us from playing (BevH is another good person who uses this technique).

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Thank you for pinning it in the Finished works, Bri and the comments as well. You are a great moderator, and working hard. :p I really think that an interesting enough read would recieve a responce, so that's why I was saying that I'd try to do better next time. Actually I had first few chapters posted on what used to be FWP waaaay back when... And appreciate Gibberlings3 fiction forum for allowing guest posting, as opposite to everyone else :( You rock :D

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I knew I'd read this before, I just couldn't remember where. I liked it too, but I can't remember if I posted any comments over at FWP the first time. Bri's pretty much summed it up though, so I don't have anything more to add until I go through it again. :)

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