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Things to do at Wal-Mart...


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As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"


Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.


Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.


Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.


Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.


Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.


Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.


Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.


Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."


Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.


Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.


Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"


Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.


Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"


Hold indoor shopping cart races.


In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.


Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.


Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.


Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.


Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)


Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.


Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.


Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.


Play with the automatic doors.


Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.


Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.


"Re-alphabetize" the CD's.


Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.


Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.


Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.


Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.


Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."


Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.


Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.


Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.


Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.


Take bets on the battle from above.


Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say, "Hm... I thought the customer was always right!"


Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.


Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.


Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.


Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.


TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.


Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.


Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.


Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens.


Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.


When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."


When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"


When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"


When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.


When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.


While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

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Hehe pretty funny Bri.


About "playing with the automatic doors", do you mean trying to "beat the sensor" by ever-so-slowly creeping up on the door, trying to touch it without it opening? My brother used to do this when he worked at the State Department many years ago.


Also, my brother and I entertained the notion of rigging all the clock radios to go off at 12 noon at a Service Merchandise store. We didn't do it, figuring rightly that it's illegal, but it was still funny though.



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If you don't mind, here's some additions from me and a friend:



Take the "h" out of "Two shirts for $10".


Manipulate the "Thank you for not smoking" sign to "Thank you for not shopping".


Smoke a cigarette and when they ask you put it out, throw it on a towel pile.


Load up a cart full of cinder blocks and then run your right foot over (this happened to me).


Look for all the dark shadows, note peoples' walking patterns, and notice all the wooden surfaces.


Try to traverse the store without being seen by anyone.


Acquire proper thief gear: use a letter opener for your dagger, a black towel for your cloak, a rolling pin for your blackjack, and a pair of black slippers for your sneaksie shoes.


Look at the security cameras and mutter "Damn Mechanists".


(Made personally for me) Get a sledgehammer from the hardware department and charge everyone yelling "My hammer awaits thee!!".


When waiting in a long line, recite Hammerite scripture.


Sneak behind a stranger, whisper into his/her ear "Your soul cannot be saved" and then run away.


Take a toy rifle, kneel down, and pretend the store manager is a Sectoid.


Switch the signs on the men's and women's rooms.


Go to the archery dept and ask to see their magic bows and arrows.


Ask if the BB guns have a auto-fire setting.


In the hunting dept ask if they have a auto-cannon with incendiary rounds. Cite your second amendment rights.


Also ask for a rocket launcher. Cite the same rights.


Break down the women's dresser room door with an axe from the hardware dept. Yell "Here's Johnny!".


Yell "Satan lives!" into a loudspeaker. (this is from my questionable friend, not me).


Somehow change the huge letters in front of the store from "W" to "BH" in "Wal-Mart".


Sexually harass the manniquins. (I never did this, ever. Honest.)


If your child asks for a toy, tell him you'll buy it if he answers the following question: "What's the average annual rainfall of the Amazon Basin?"

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A few more, just thought up. Don't feel bad if you don't get some of them.



Hold up the store with a stick. Claim it's a magician's wand.


Ask an employee if they sell shyneum.


Also, ask what the current exchange rate is for SPs (Shyneum Pennies).


Spraycan the insides of the aquariums red. Claim a red tide killed the fish.


If someone annoys you, threaten to incarcerate them in Cragscleft prison.


Wear a red cloak with a golden shirt. Claim that you're the Avatar.


Run into the store, screaming "Assasins!! Murderers!! Murderers! Assasins!" then turn to the closest person then yell "YOU! What planet is this!?"


Sneeze into your hands, then shake an employees hand.


Use a neck-chain to self-hypnotize yourself.


Wander around the store muttering in a raspy voice "Redrum... redrum..."


Shoot that Wal-mart smiley face mascot with a gun. A BIG gun. Ignore the consequences.


*Demand that they arrest someone called Uriel that's making too many stupid and obscure Wal-Mart jokes.*

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