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Bard's Song


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Found it, while looking for something else... I think it is sort of fun ;)


Bards’ Song #1




You want a tale, pretty lass?

Well, for a lady of your class

I have a tale of a man,

Whose glory shook this sleepy Realm.


It happens to be me, of course

But who will better sing the song

If not the hero himself?

I shall commence, my lovely elf.


I walked my road once in peace,

Just saved the world and stuff like this,

When the most evil lord I met

Caught me and mine in his net.


The morning after, I woke up

And saw that I am chained up!

In dungeon smelling of old rot

And something foul, dark and odd.


By gods, my head was breaking

And walls were hot and shaking…

I hated cage, I hated bars,

My jailer, face me and DIE!


Then came a man in strange mask.

Mayhap he came to free my ass?

What a mistake! He burned me crisp!

He tried to turn me into bits!


But golem busted in with words

Of the intruders. Red alert!

That golem, my beloved miss,

Was just as close to my kiss


As your cream-peachy round cheek

And rose lips and sweet eyelids…

But I digress! Girl Imoen,

Returned me freedom in the end.


She talked all queer, but I said:

"I am the bard, my lovely maid,

So keep it quiet, cherry cake,

And I will help you to escape."


But it can never be all gloss

The grumpy voice killed my mirth

From all the halfings, elves and man

It was Jaheira, sour hen.


My head’s been hurting, that is why

I did not leave her there to die.

‘Cause little pumpkin, once unleashed

Jaheira’s worst than herds of Gyth,


And Gyth are bad, do trust me maid.

Oh, Minsc was there caged and mad.

Despite the fact that I agreed

with one who chained crazy twit,


I had to free this nut as well,

Since he in rage is Ninths Hell;

That made us four and on we went

To find freedom, foes or end!


My sweetling, night is growing long,

Will you reward me for the song?

I won’t ask for very much:

A kiss, a smile, things like such…

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What is it? Oh, my wooden harp?

Is it a hint? Yes, very sharp.

I’ll humor you, but I will need

Another mug of strongest mead


Before I sing you of my past

My friends and our crazy path…

Well, I am ready now, maid

No, not your bodice; that can wait.


We found weapons in a bit

My fingers gripped ‘round hilt

Of old and rusty plain blade

But I was happy like a babe


I tried that sword and very soon

Against little silly goons

some mephits, goblins, other creep

And they all died and we all lived


The place was a queer mess

Of torture chambers, traps and yes,

We saw the things that gave us chill

Things, scarier than man can kill.


There were bottles full of what?

I did not know and I would not want

To know. But inside (oh, dread!)

Hang corpses, neither alive, nor dead.


One spoke, asking for release

I killed him and he thanked me, miss.

He gave me name, that poor moss,

The name to hate, the name to curse.


The name was so simple – Jon

For one who staged this lovely con

With capture, murder, torture, cage…

My jailer had such simple name…


And even now I can’t sing

Its taste bitter, but I think

I see the ever-sweetest lips

And so close…would you please?


It’s just the cure, for the bard

Whose life was once oh! so hard

Who found his respite at last

And dreams of nothing but your love.

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