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Aphorisms/Short Banters

Black Elk

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I put these together for for another BG project but I'm not sure they're going to make use of any. Since this project is all about NPCs I thought you guys might find a place for a couple of them. I edited most of them from other sources but I think they'd add some color to the background in Baldurs Gate.




Dialogue Banters for 9 background NPCs:


the The Witty Street Heckler

The Honest Politician

The Politicians Aid

The Dejected Diplomat

The Unscroupulus Lawyer

The Cynical Intellectual

and Three Wise Sages




Here are some ideas for characters.

Each NPC is designed to fire off a random comment when spoken to ( about 1-10):


The Witty Street Heckler:


The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four citizens in Baldur's Gate is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.


Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them


Getting caught is the mother of invention


If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.


We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?


I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally


Start every day off with a smile and get it over with


Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood


A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.


No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.


You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.



The Honest Politician:


Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.


It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.


Committee: A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit to do the unnecessary.


Efficiency is intelligent laziness.


It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.


Official Project Stages: (1) Uncritical Acceptance. (2) Wild Enthusiasm. (3) Dejected Disillusionment. (4) Total Confusion. (5) Search for the Guilty. (6) Punishment of the Innocent. (7) Promotion of the Non-participants.


If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought


I wish I were what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.


The problem with political jokes is they get elected


The Politicians Aid


Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?


Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.


The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill


When everyone is against you, it means you are absolutely wrong -- or you are absolutely right.


We will burn that bridge when we come to it.


To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.


A political campaign starts when a politician stops working and goes about making speeches about all the work he intends to do.


Isn't it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune-tellers take economists seriously.


The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.


Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.


You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising budget is big enough.


The Dejected Diplomat:


Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted into each others' pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third


Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.


The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on


I'm left on the right issues and right on what's left. Now that's an issue I left right

in front of you to debate.


A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.


No man who needs a monument ever ought to have one.


Teamwork is wasting half of one's time explaining to others why they are wrong.


When in charge, ponder. When in trouble, delegate. When in doubt, mumble.


The Unscrupulous Lawyer


Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer


To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making.


The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.


When skunks duel, wind direction is everything


The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.


A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.


If you cannot convince them, confuse them.


The Cynical Intellectual:


There's a fine line between participation and mockery.


It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.


The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well


Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain


Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me


Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.


I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.


My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.


I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.


The only absolute knowledge worth attaining is that your life is meaningless. -- My life? Well now, that's another story


Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate


Wise Sage 1:


Condition for being a hero.- If a man wants to become a hero, the snake must first become a dragon: otherwise he is lacking his proper enemy.


When paradoxes are appropriate.- At times, one can win clever people over to a principle merely by presenting it in the form of an outrageous paradox.


Good memory.- Many a man fails to become a thinker for the sole reason that his memory is too good.


In dull society.- No one thanks the witty man for the courtesy of adapting himself to a society in which it is not courteous to display wit.


Traitor's tour de force.- To express to your fellow conspirator the hurtful suspicion that he might be betraying you, and this at the very moment when you are yourself engaged in betraying him, is a tour de force of malice, because it makes the other person aware of himself and forces him to behave very unsuspiciously and openly for a time, giving you, the true traitor, a free hand.


Casting One's Skin.- The snake that cannot cast its skin perishes. So too with those minds which are prevented from changing their views: they cease to be minds


Sensuality often hastens the growth of love so much that the roots remain weak and are easily torn up


The champions of truth.- Truth does not find the fewest champions when it is dangerous to speak it, but when it is dull.


Against an enemy. How good bad music and bad reasons sound when one marches against an enemy!


Destination and paths.- Many people are obstinate about the path once it is taken; few people about the destination.


Wise Sage 2:


The life of the enemy.- Whoever lives for the sake of combating an enemy has an interest in the enemy's staying alive.


The Way to equality.-A few hours of mountain climbing turn a villain and a saint into two rather equal creatures. Exhaustion is the shortest way to equality and fraternity- and liberty is added eventually by sleep.


Punishment.-A strange thing, our punishment! It does not cleanse the criminal, it is no atonement; on the contrary, it pollutes worse than the crime does.


Being deep and appearing deep.-Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water.


Those who deny chance.-No victor believes in chance.


The friend's secret.- There will be but few people who, when at a loss for topics of conversation, will not reveal the more secret affairs of their friends.


Confession.- We forget our guilt when we have confessed it to another, but usually the other person does not forget it.


Love and respect.- Love desires; fear avoids. That is why it is impossible, at least in the same time span, to be loved and respected by the same person. For the man who respects another, acknowledges his power; that is, he fears it: his condition is one of awe. But love acknowledges no power, nothing that separates, differentiates, ranks higher or subordinates. Because the state of being loved carries with it no respect, ambitious men secretly or openly balk against it.


In the stream.- Strong currents draw many stones and bushes along with them; strong minds many stupid and muddled heads.


Age and truth.- Young people love what is interesting and odd, no matter how true or false it is. More mature minds love what is interesting and odd about truth. Fully mature intellects, finally, love truth, even when it appears plain and simple, boring to the ordinary person; for they have noticed that truth tends to reveal its highest wisdom in the guise of simplicity.


The day's length.- If a man has a great deal to put into it, a day can have a hundred pockets


Wise Sage 3:


Shadows in the flame.- The flame is not so bright to itself as to those whom it illuminates, so also the wise man.


Never Forget!- The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly


Iron necessity.- Iron necessity is a thing which has been found, in the course of history, to be neither iron nor necessary.


Malice is rare.- Most people are far too much occupied with themselves to be malicious.


Madness is rare in individuals-but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule.


Dreams.-We either have no dreams at all or interesting ones. We should learn to be awake the same way- not at all or in an interesting manner.


One would make a fit little boy stare if one asked him: 'Would you like to become virtuous?'-but he will open his eyes wide if asked: 'Would you like to become stronger than your friends?


Forbidden generosity.-There is not sufficient love and goodness in the world to permit us to give some of it away to imaginary causes.


Jokes. A joke is the epigram on the death of a feeling.







Oh yeah I almost forgot my favorite one...

The Depressed Drunk


I always said I wanted to be somebody... Guess I should have been more specific.



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Thank you for your offer. While at this point we have passed our last writing deadline and trying to prepare the final version of the mod, someone might find it useful for any polishing or whatever. :bday:

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