Bri Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Thanks for putting your story up IriaZenn. I finally got a chance to read it all. I really like the idea of Sarevok being a protective brother for another sibling. Especially when he entertained thoughts at making another kid 'pay' for insulting his sister What can I say, I fall for such things when well done. It was a good call to actually make them be true siblings rather than the "father in common" that the Bhaalspawn and Imoen possess. And the fact that their mother was willing to sacrifice them when the moment came up...that is true devotion to a god. And of course, the idea having multiple siblings...why can I suddenly imagine a dragon having a clutch of eggs with multiple reptilian Bhaalspawn running around. Heh, and Alianna hated the thought of a half-elf...at least it wasn't a half orc...or centaur. And Annalesca reacting very badly to being called just 'Anna' was right on as well... Truthfully, the only faults there were with the story were minor grammar errors (and this is not a slight...after all, my own material can have a ton of errors that I go back to correct.) The only two that stood out was this: Gorion started down at his ward where I think you meant stared. The other one was just you may wish to be careful using a passive sentence (I definitely am guilty of this one). Those are sentences that use a helping verb (is, am, are, was, be, being, been, has, have, had). Not that there is anything wrong with using them, but if you can eliminate them, they make the action stronger. Anyways, those are just minor quibbles in an enjoyable story. Link to comment
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