Userunfriendly Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 Smite me Baby, One more Time! (a Britney Spears song parody) Sir Ryan Trawl vamped outrageously foward, his hips swaying to the beat of the loud, driving music. His cheeks and lips were rouged excessively, layers of eyeliner applied over his very long and curled eyelashes. He wore no less than 8 spangled, and multi-hued feathered bolas, running the gamut from shocking, indecent pink to eye-popping passionate purple. He wore a tight black lace corset, with little pink hearts encircled with gold lame rays, the ensignia for the Radient Heart. He looked like his corset was about to explode, with rolls of flesh bulging out of the top and bottom of that poor, much abused garment. Over his legs he wore black fishnet stockings, held up by a canary yellow garter belt, peeking out from underneath his red taffida tutu. The rhinestone set 9 inch stiletto heeled pumps rang out on the clear white marble flagstones inlaid on the floor of the Chapter House of the Most Noble Order of the Radient Heart. Much like a deer caught in bright light at night, Sir Anomen could only stand petrified, as Sir Ryan sasheyed across the floor. The only muscles he could move were his eyes, as he blinked furiously, to try to clear this obvious hallucination from his sight. They were shocked into stunned immobility as Sir Keldorn joined Sir Ryan. Sir Keldorn wore a black and white maid's hat, and a small white apron, and nothing else, except for what could only be a chainmail jockey briefs covering his loins. No, as Sir Keldorn did a pirette on his thigh length long black shiny high heeled boots, the chainmail jockey briefs were revealed to be chainmail thongs...that looked like they would really hurt to take off. Now stepped forward the entire strength of the Knights of the Most Noble Order of the Radient Heart, their arms over each others shoulders, their legs marching in beat with the horribly loud and bizzare music playing from somewhere. The music sounded like a score or more of cats, dogs and gnomes being tortured to death. Underlying it all was some deep, beating drums, and it was to the drums that his fellow knights and comrades strode foward to. They were obviously not garbed for war, though they did wear parts of their armor. The greaves and boots to be precise, under their bare chests. The chests of his fellow knights glistened as if they had been shaved and rubbed in oil. They wore chainmail jocks, as a step in their dance revealed their posteriors to the stunned and stupified Sir Anomen. To cap off this raving insane vision, it could only be a vision, right? Sir Ryan and Sir Keldorn started singing. Oh Mazzy, Mazzy How was I supposed to know That once you have halfling you just can't let go... Oh baby, baby I shouldn't have let you go And now you're out of sight, yeah hidden behind the shrubbery, I know... Tell me Mazzy 'cause I need to know now, oh because Chorus: My chainmail jock is killing me I must confess I still believe sniffing armor polish improves my mind take out your black leather whips of love Smite me baby one more time Oh Mazzy, Mazzy The reason I breathe is you Little Dumpling, you got me blinded Your chubby pink cheeks That wonderful rubber-band hair-do once you have hobbit you just can't go back Show me how you want it to be Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now, oh because Chorus: My chainmail jock is killing me I must confess I still believe sniffing armor polish improves my mind take out your black leather whips of love Smite me baby one more time Oh baby, baby how was I supposed to know Oh sweet dumpling, I shouldn't have let you go I must confess, that I long for your embrace my knees ache for your hug, don't you know, And give me a sign Smite me baby one more time Chorus: My chainmail jock is killing me I must confess I still believe sniffing armor polish improves my mind take out your black leather whips of love Smite me baby one more time "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Sir Anomen as he woke violently from where he was postrated on the floor. His face was covered in cold sweat, and he was visibily shaking. Sister Farielle rushed in thru the door. "Are you alright, Sir Anomen? Are you ill? Would you like a Heal spell?" She asked in concern. Anomen looked around, and his heartbeat began to slow down. He recognized his surroundings as the Helm sacrosty in Saradush, attached to the main temple to Waukeen in Sister Farielle's parish. He remembered he asked leave of the party, for a short time, since he felt he needed to cleanse his soul after the party's climatic battle to regain Hellocthul's soul in Hell. He prostrated himself before the altar, praying to Helm to guide him and strengthen his heart for the task as Lady Hellocthul and Lady Imoen faced the might of their massed siblings. He knew his faults and his weaknesses, and he felt unworthy when he felt fear facing Irenicus and his demonic servents in Hell. He had prayed to Helm for courage and wisdom, and obviously he had drifted off to sleep. Anomen reassured Sister Farielle that he had failed his duty to his god, by falling asleep at his devotions. He awaited Sister Farielle's stinging words of admonishion and braced his shoulders to accept her rebuke. "Knowing what I now know of the deeds of your party, Sir Anomen, I feel sure that Helm does indeed understand that it was not a weakness of faith, but a weakness of the body that made you fall asleep. Besides, as you know, the watchful god has his own ways of punishing lapses in duty. This could not be the first time you've had a 'dream punishment?'" said Sister Farielle, with a slight smile to her face. "A dream punishment? I do not understand, Sister." said Anomen in puzzlement. "Oh, dear. Sir Anomen, have you ever fallen asleep at your religious duties as a noviciate?" at the sight of Anomen shaking his head, she felt surprise, for she remembered her own many lapses when she was younger. Obviously this ernest and devoted cleric was made of sterner stuff than she. "When a noviciate falls asleep at his religious duties, the proctors make no effort to wake the erring young one. You've noticed that, in your own order?" Anomen nodded. "That is because once the noviciate enters the first rank of the devoted, the deity will punish such lapses with nightmares. Of course, the higher the rank, the worse the nightmares. I take it, since it was your first, and your rank is quite high, that it was very bad?" at Anomen's frantic nodding Sister Farielle smiled. "Well, I would try to forget the bulk of your dream punishment, but consider this...the gods send us dreams and nightmares, but how the dreams manifest themselves in our minds are often clues to our own hearts. Sift through your dream, Sir Anomen, discard the dross and try to listen to what your own heart is telling you. I remember my own beloved instructors telling me this same advice when I was younger, and I had my first such experience. I daresay that had you been less devout in your youth, you would know this already." said Sister Farielle gently. As Anomen walked out the door, not as cleansed in his soul as he had hoped for, but a little wiser, he saw Mazzy Fentan playing with some small children, halfling, elven and human, her singing obviously delighting the children. Jansens, meet the Jansens, they're a rootveggie family, From the town of Turnip, they've a place right out of grocery... She was singing the themesong from a popular crystal ball show, and the children joined happily, each of them with a gold coin clenched around each tiny fist. As Mazzy saw Anomen walk out of the temple, she grinned. "All done, tall, shiny and hairy?" quipped Mazzy. Anomen was about to reply with an insulting retort, suddenly stopped. Mazzy was quite fetching today, in her Armor of the Hart, with her hair done in her trademark rubber-bands, and her horned helm held in the crook of her arm. She was so often the only person who he could talk about honor, and duty and devotion, the rest of the party was so much more, worldly and pragmatic. Hellocthul sometimes chose expedientcy over the Right, and even though in the end, her choices turned out to serve the Right, his frustration was only shared by Mazzy, who understood him. Anomen finally realized at that moment in time, that the party member he felt the closest to was little Mazzy Fentan, and he regretted all the times his language turned harsh and hurtful to her. "Say, Mazzy, did I ever tell you about when I fought with my brother squires in the wars against the Hill Giants?" the two armored figures headed for the Saradush inn, where the rest of the party was staying. The taller figure was bent over slightly, talking animatedly to the shorter, who was nodding enthusiastically. A few times, the streets sounded with merry female laughter, as the mismatched pair walked slowly, enjoying the last light of the day, tword their goal. That day, peace, and contentment, long strangers to Anomen's heart, found their way back home at last. Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 The Full Monty Pythons!!! As the theme music, full of Sembian horns played, the crystal ball cleared to show an extremely large man, his head shaved completely bald, with a very large purple tatoo. He was sitting down in a very comfortable stuffed burbury armchair, wearing a green crushed velvet smoking jacket, and a little tan and white hamster was sitting on one of the chair arms next to him. "Good evening, this is Alistair Minsc, and Boo, of course, welcome to another episode of MonsterPiece Theater. Tonite, instead of showing you part 4 of Anne of the Green Slimes, we're going to show you a special, that the respected producers of this fine show would help boost ratings of this show. Tonite, I am pleased to present to you the movie "Full Monty Pythons". And now, without further ado, let us enjoy this fine movie." as Minsc finished his introduction, the cute and adorable hamster nodded, as if he had somehow coached the host of the show, and was approving Minsc's delivery and recitation of the introductory monologue. The movie proved to be quite risque and a rather funny tale about a group of Yuan-Ti, down on their luck because of layoffs at their factory, decided to perform in a burlesque all male strip club. To promote their career, and to make some quick gold, the snakemen decided to do a "full monty", that is to show everything. The movie ended with the strip show, as the snakemen came on the stage at the Calimshite Stripclub, the "Crazy Horse Saloon". As the mixed audience of female humans, and demi-humans whistled and clapped, the snakemen slithered on stage. One of the problems the snakemen had when they decided to go into the male stripping business was a complete lack of hips, and thus "booty" to shake on stage. They solved this problem by inserting artificial buttocks made of inflated pig's bladders down their pant. (Naturally, since Yuan-Ti don't have two legs, the garments they wore on their lower body was the singular of "pants", or "pant". Further more, since the snakemen race lacked hips in any shape or form, everyone wore suspenders, to support the garment via the shoulders. Various attempts by the Amnish Clothing Combine to introduce the belt to the Yuan-Ti marketplace, to open up another commercial product to the snakemen territorys have met with complete disappointment. In a few cases, snakemen have completely outlawed belts, after some rather tragic incidents of fashion contious teenagers managing to completely sever themselves in half, as they tried to hold their pant up their bodies using a belt only.) As the Yuan-Ti wriggled around the stage, artfully mimicing shaking their "booty" by carefully timed and practiced slithers, the loud and naughty lyrics of "You can keep your hat on!" by Joe Jansen played on the back ground. As the snakes finally removed the hats covering their lower groins, the predominatly female audience whistled and clapped. As the credits played, the crystal ball faded to the same library where the host of the show, Alistair Minsc and Boo were sitting on the chair. "Tune in next time, as we show part 4 of Annie of the Green Slimes, as our heroine, the paladin Annie, kicks the butts of evil green slimes so hard their butts will slide up to their ears...they shall wear their butts for ears, and be mocked by both hamsters and rangers!!! (squeek-eek!) What's that Boo? Green slimes don't have butts to be kicked by good paladins? How Evil is Evil!!! Well then Annie will just have to apply the porestrip of goodness to the pimply face of evil, and tear it off!!! (squeek-eek!) Boo thinks this plan is just ducky!" said the mighty ranger and crystal ball program host. Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 Mazzy the Musical: Once More with Halflings! Ok, obviously I chose mazzy to make the title work... --------------------------------------------------------------------- Mazzy walked into the Turnip Box, and the smell distracted her for a few seconds. If she ever came into some gold, she could finally rent a new headquarters for the gang, and they wouldn't have to endure the awful stench of Jan's family buisness...alas, being the Vampire Slayer didn't put wealth into one's pockets. She firmly wrenched her mind back into what was important...that mind bending event at the graveyard district last night. "Urm....so, urm, guys? Did anyone last night,urm...burst into song?" asked Mazzy, anxiously twisting her hands behind her and looking at the floor. "Merciful Cthulhu!" exclaimed Valygar, her faithful squire. "We thought it was just us!" said Aerie, her face relaxing. "We were just talking and all of a sudden..." said Keldorn. "It was like we were in a musical!" said Mazzy, looking up and sharing Aerie's expression of relief. "I did a whole aria about gathering spell components! (I still can't believe I sang a song about the joys of collecting bat guano!)" said Edwina. "And it was very,very bad at the Jansen residence last night. Mother Jansen started off with 'Turnips are a girl's best friend', but it was cousin Beloo that really made me claw my eyes. It was bad enough hearing Mom mutilate the song like that, but seeing cousin Beloo with a strapless passionate pink cocktail dress, dancing and flirting, with about a hundredsweight of turnip jewelry around his wrists and neck, and stretching his earlobes in a most painful way...and of course his pink matching stockings, well, due to the normally stumpy gnomish legs, wads and rolls of pink fishnet material clumped at the bottom of his feet, and got caught on the 7 inch stiletto heeled pink pumps he was wearing...fortunately he tripped while Mom was singing... A kiss on the hand may be quite continental but turnips are a girl's best friend. A kiss may be grand but it won't spice up a bento at your humble flat, or for snacking at the automat. and knocked himself out." said Jan with a shudder. "Anyhu,"said Keldorn quickly before Jan started up another story, along that route lay madness,"I was arguing with Maria, and I started singing... How do you solve a problem like Maria? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? How do you find a word that means Maria? A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown! she was most displeased, and then the armored knight came thru the door, clapping two coconut half shells together...it was most disturbing." "Is Maria ok?" asked Aerie in concern. "Oh thankfully I was able grab a potato, and shove it into the knight's mouth to gag him before he really got into the song 'We're knights of the Oblong Table, we dance when we are able...' and finsh my own song, which happy has a sweet and complimentary ending. She understood that the song, which starts out not being nice was actually a wonderfully sweet and endearing song. It was still very disturbing." said Keldorn in relief. "That's been my whole outlook on the situation. Its all very disturbing, and quite un-natural. We should look into it." said Mazzy. "With the books." said Aerie decisively. "Yes, of course the books.(that is of course if these simians have evolved enough to learn to read.)" said Edwina. "Urm, do we have any books on this?" asked Mazzy. "We just have to think logally about this, not every problem can be solved by magic. We just have to break down the problems, and try to think..."said Valygar before he was interrupted. (Singing) Jan: I've got a theory, That it's a demon, A dancing demon! Eeech, something isn't right there! Aerie: I've got a theory Some mage is dreamin' And we're all stuck inside His wacky Broadway nightmare! "Like with Kalah!!! You remember, right?" quipped Aerie before the next verse could begin. Valygar: I've got a theory We should work this out. Aerie, Edwina, Keldorn, Valygar: It's getting eerie What's this cheery singing all about? "Bah! Must I carry this verse all by myself? Harmony, and timing Keldorn and Valygar! (Now I am sounding like the hateful music teacher at Dark Mage University, the one I tested my Gate spell on...his last screams were gratifyingly out of pitch.)" mused Edwina. Valygar: It could be witches! Some evil witches! Aerie, and Edwina looked at Valygar, Aerie was tapping her foot, and Edwina had a persistant tick on her face. Valygar: Which is ridiculous, 'Cause witches, they're my friends, And they helped me defeat Lavok in the planar sphere And Avariel power and I'll be over here. Edwina: I've got a theory It could be Jansens! Everyone's face clears at this verse, their eyes looking far away in thought, except for Jan, of course. Edwina: Jansens aren't as harmless Like everybody supposes! They got them stumpy legs And puffy potato noses! And what's with all the turnips? Why do they eat so much root vegetables, anyway? Jansens, Jansens, It must be Jansens!!! As Jan's hand moves to the very large and complex crossbow holstered on his belt, Edwina reconsiders. Edwina: Or it could be griffins. Jan immediately nodds in agreement. Aerie: I've got a theory We should work this fast Aerie and Jan: Because clearly Keldorn's voice just isn't going to last. Mazzy: I've got a theory It doesn't matter ... Mazzy: What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather? "Except the smell of turnips everywhere!" mutters Mazzy, Edwina, Keldorn, Valygar and Aerie, unaware that they were saying the same thing under their breath at the same time. Mazzy: Throne of Bhaal? We've all been there The same old trips, why should we care Mazzy, Aerie, Edwina, Valygar, Keldorn and Jan: What can't we do if we get in it? We'll work it through within a minute We have to try We'll pay the price It's do or die! Mazzy Hey, we've been to Hell twice! Mazzy, Aerie, Edwina, Valygar, Keldorn and Jan: What can't we face if we're together? What's in this place that we can't weather? What can't we face? If we're together There's nothing we can't face . . . Edwina: Except for Jansens... Meanwhile, outside the Turnip Box... A jovial Korgan is holding up a large blue and yellow polyester looking shortsleeve shirt, which looks surprisingly clean. Korgan: They got the bloodstain out! The townspeople of Athlanka are doing a highstepping dance routine, complete with high kicks and gracefull piroettes, by both Commoner1 and Commoner2, both male and female versions, and they're singing... Commoner1 and Commoner2, male and female: They got the bloodstain out! And as the singing and dancing concludes, Korgan turns over his shirt, and you can read the logo on the back. "Amnish DwarfBowling Legue, Player of the Year." Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted February 10, 2004 Author Share Posted February 10, 2004 Watch this first... http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view.php?id=131487 Vegetarian Rhapsody Words and music by Freddie Mercury, adapted by Userunfriendly Is this the real life- Is this just an RPG- Caught in Athkatla- My escape from reality- Turn on your monitor Look at your screen and see- A gnome just getting by,he needs no sympathy- Because turnips come,turnips go, Profits high,profits low, If I sell these turnips,doesn't really matter to me, To me Mama,I won't bribe the man, Trax is out of his head, No selling Bruiser Mates, (he said) Mama, career had just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away- Mama ooo, Didn't mean to make you cry- If I'm jailed again this time tomorrow- Carry on,carry on, nothing really matters- Too late, my time has come, Trax caught me just this time- He is such a sticky slime, Goodbye everybody-I've got to go- Uncles, Cousins, nephews, and nieces all Mama ooo- (I think this really blows) I don't want to go, Maybe I should have bribed old Trax after all- I see a little silhouetto of a gnome, CrunchyTurnips, CrunchyTurnips, juices running down his chin- Jailcell and lockup-very very frightening me- ChildofBhaal,ChildofBhaal, ChildofBhaal,ChildofBhaal, ChildofBhaal, help me so-Magnifico!!! But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me- He's just a poor boy from a gnomish family- Spare him his life from this travesty- Easy come easy go-,will you let me go- DamnyouJan! No-,we will not let you go-let him go- DamnyouJan! We will not let you go-let him go DamnyouJan! We will not let you go-let me go Will not let you go-let me go Will not let you go let me go No,no,no,no,no,no,no- Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go- StinkyTrax has a jailcell put aside for me, for me, for me- So you think you can jail me and spit in my eye- So you think you can jail me and leave me to die- Oh Traxy-Can't do this to me Traxy- Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here- Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me, I think this really blows.... Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted February 14, 2004 Author Share Posted February 14, 2004 http://www.bbgcarpet.com/heyjudelyricsbeatles.html original lyrics http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Studi...9/beatle18.html midi for singing along.. Hey Jan! (Jan Jansen-Userunfriendly) Hey Jan, don't be so sad. Take a story and make it better. Remember you're just a little gnome, Living at home, the Jansen wage getter. Hey Jan, don't be afraid. Your Lissa, just go and get her. The minute you smash Vaelag under the chin, Then you begin to make it better. And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jan, maintain, Don't carry Toril on your shoulders. For someday she'll know who was the fool, when she played cool By making your world a little colder. Hey Jan, don't look so down. You never lost her, now go and get her. Remember you've never truely left her heart, Now you can start to make it better. So let pain out and let love in, healing, begin, You've waited so long for her to be with. And don't you know that it's always been you, hey Jan, you'll do, The moment you need is on your shoulder. Hey Jan, don't be so sad. Take a story and make it better. Now is the true time to begin, Change what has been to make it Better better better better better better, oh. Tur tur tur, tur tur tur tur, Tur TUr TUR, NIPS! Hey Jan... Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 Oh, I'm a Paladin, and I'm okay Jan Jansen: Oh, woe is me, I hate my life! Bugger this pitiful life of mine, as a thief-illusionist! Sod it! I want to be a....a....Paladin! Jan Jansen: Oh, I'm a Paladin, and I'm okay, I snore all night and I smite all day. Shadow Thieves: He's a Paladin, and he's okay, He snores all night and he smites all day. Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I eat my lunch, I go to the Outhouse. If I'm out in the wide wilderness, I just use a furry mouse. Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he eats his lunch, He goes to the Outhouse. If he's out in the wide wilderness, He just uses a furry mouse. Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I skip and jump, I like to polish my stuff. I put on ladies's clothing, And watch other knights scream and huff. Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he skips and jumps, He likes to polish his stuff. He puts on women's clothing And watch other knights scream and huff?:D Jan Jansen: I smite stinky orcs, I wear high heels, Panties and a bra. I wish I'd been a girlie Just like my dear papa. Shadow Thieves: He smites stinky orcs, he wears high heels Panties and a .... a Bra? Aerie(crying): I thought you were so rugged! Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 THE SONG (This was originally part of a longer story and song, about the Great God Jan...but the story never worked right, but the song is...sick...and funny...) Every Turnip is sacred. Every Turnip is great. If a Turnip is wasted, Jan gets quite irate. Every Turnip is sacred. Every Turnip is great. If a Turnip is wasted, Jan gets quite irate. Let the griffins spit theirs Out on the dusty ground. Jan shall make them pay for Each turnip that can't be found. Every turnip is wanted. Every turnip is good. Every turnip is needed In your neighbourhood. Cynric, Sharian, Lolithian, Toss theirs just anywhere, But Jan loves those who treat their Roots with a lot more care. Every Turnip is sacred. Every Turnip is great. If a Turnip is wasted, Jan gets quite irate. Every turnip is wanted. Every turnip is good. Every turnip is needed In your neighbourhood. Every turnip is useful. Every turnip is fine. Jan wants everybody's, eaten before they start to slime! Let the Pagan toss theirs O'er mountain, hill, and plain. Jan shall strike them down for Each turnip that rots in vain. Every turnip is wanted. Every turnip is good. Every turnip is needed In your neighbourhood. Every Turnip is sacred. Every Turnip is great. If a Turnip is wasted, Jan gets quite irate. Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 He remains a Turnip Gnome The Party: He remains a Turnip Gnome! Saravok: He remains a Turnip Gnome! For he himself has said it, And it's greatly to his credit, That he remains a Turnip Gnome! The Party: That he remains a Turnip Gnome! Saravok: For he might have eaten a radish, A onion, or carrot, or cabbage, Or perhaps some summer squash! The Party: Or perhaps some summer squash! Saravok:But in spite of all temptations To eat other taste sensations, He remains a Turnip Gnome! He remains a Turnip Gnome! The Party: For in spite of all temptations To eat other taste sensations, He remains a Turnip Gnome! He remains a Turnip Gnome! saravok: Damn you Jan Jansen...ever since you had to cast that spell in the wild surge room at Watchers Keep, I keep breaking into song!!! I've fought as a foot soldier at the height of the Blood War, I've almost ignited a confligration that would have consumed the entire Sword Coast, yet to my second dying day, the most horrific memory I'll have is singing in the shower "I'm going to wash that taint right out of my hair" while Charname was giggling like a dememted loon waiting for his turn... Jan: Well, Savvy, just think of it as practicing your singing voice! Saravok: SNARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 this one was a little interesting...its based obviously on Toto's "Rosanna" Viconia by Tobtob All I wanted to do when I first saw you in leather was to run away Viconia, Viconia I never thought that a girl like you would ever let me live, Viconia I can still see that shiny rubber hug your body so very tight Viconia, Viconia I didn't know pleasure and pain were all the same Not quite a year since you changed to good, Viconia yeah My dark Mistress is gone, and I have to say, whip me all the way, whip me all the way, Viconia yeah whip me all the way, whip me all the way, Viconia yeah I can see your face still shining on the shield you wore with pride Viconia, Viconia I didn't know that a girl like you could make me feel so sad, Viconia All I want is another taste of your black leather riding crop Viconia, Viconia I never thought that losing you could ever hurt so bad whip me all the way, whip me all the way, Viconia yeah whip me all the way, whip me all the way, Viconia yeah Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 The Xzar's Family He's creepy and he's kooky, And Monty's short and spooky, They're not altogether Ook-ay, The Xzar's Family. His obession's to create a golem. Cause zombies are beginning to bore him. Zombie heads wobble when you bowl-em, The Xzar's Family. Neat Sweet Petite So if you want a custom zombie, and you don't want to order from Abercrombie's, Just avoid mentioning the BUNNIES, while you're with Xzar's Family. Link to comment
Userunfriendly Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 (now for some new songs... ) Gnomes just wanna have fun! Some Gnomes wear turnips as shoes Others 'come Adventurer's to leave behind their blues, Oh,Ma Jansen,dear, We're not like the long-limbed ones, And gnomes, They wanna have fu-un. Oh,gnomes, Just wanna have fun. Some Gnomes like to tip over griffins, Others dress like halflings and answer to "Merry and Pippin", All this raving fanboy stuff, Gnomes, just can't get enough! But gnomes, They just can't get enough, Oh,gnomes,just can't get enough They just can't get enough..... not enough.... When the day's turnip stories are done, Oh,gnomes, They wanna have fu-un, Oh,gnomes, Just wanna have fun.... Gnomes, They want, Wanna have fun. Gnomes, Wanna have Break the dishes, smash the plates, That's what Bilbo Baggins hates! Now Jan's got ME doing this fanboy stuff! Oh Jan, I just had enough! Oh Jan, I just had His stories will do that to ya-aa.... enough.... When the day's turnip stories are done, Oh,gnomes, They wanna have fu-un, Oh,gnomes, Just wanna have fun.... Gnomes, They want, Wanna have fun. Gnomes, Wanna have They just wanna, They just wanna..... They just wanna, (Oh....) They just wanna..... (Gnomes just wanna have fun...) Oh... Gnomes just wanna have fu-un... They just wanna, They just wanna.... They just wanna, They just wanna.... (Oh...) They just wanna... (They just wanna have fun...) Girls just wanna have fu-un... When the turnip, When the turnip stories are done. Oh, When the turnip stories are done, Oh,Gnomes... Gnomes, Just wanna have fu-un... They just wanna, They just wanna.... They just wanna, They just wanna have fun... Gnomes just wanna have fu-un.. They just wanna, They just wanna.... They just wanna, They just wanna.... (Have fun..) They just wanna, (Gnomes wanna have fun) They just wanna.... Oh, gnomes... (Wanna have fun....) Gnomes just wanna have fu-un. When the turnip, When the turnip stories are done. Oh, When the turnip stories are done, Oh,Gnomes... Gnomes, Just wanna have fu-un... They just wanna, They just wanna.... (Oh, gnomes...) They just wanna, (Have fun....) Oh,gnomes.. Girls just wanna have fu-un They just wanna, They just wanna... When the turnip stories are done... (fades) "Bravo! Bravo!" The rest of the party clapped as Pippineous Orcsmiter, Terror of the Sword Coast, and Hero of Baldur's Gate finished his song. The party had stopped over at Vvatri's pub after recently arriving at Trademeet, and found everyone was crazy about a new fad that was sweeping Trademeet, called "Kareoke" in which people sang out their own versions to popular songs. Vvatri provided the music by a small band he had hired for the purpose, and sheets of the original lyrics that the patrons could read while belting out their performances of popular songs. Though sometimes, the patrons changed the lyrics to suit themselves, just as Pippineous did... "Why, I didn't know you had it in you, Pippin! Frodo and Sam would be so impressed!" said Jan with a big grin on his face. As usual, Jan called Pippineous "Pippin" and as usual, Pippineous grimaced. "Jan, for the last time, my name is Pippineous, not Pippin!" said Pippineous. "Oh my, our revered leader has forgotten my name again, Aerie. Do you think that he got hit on the head in our last battle? I do wish my uncle, twice removed Dr. Sigmund Jansen, the world famous gnome-ologist was here to give Pippin a good talking to. Though he has some strange ideas about the mind and how it works, his patients almost always recover. His monograms all claim that the basis of all neurosis are based on Turnips! I sometimes have to remind Uncle Siggy that sometimes a turnip is just a turnip..." said Jan as Aerie giggled. "Oh, you know Pippin, Merry, he's sometimes too busy thinking weighty party leader thoughts to remember things you know." said Aerie with a giggle, playing along. "Haroom...harooom...small folks?" said the walking tree as it walked into Vvatri's Pub. "Merry!!! The tree! Its talking!" exclaimed Pippineous, as he in his astonishment used the name Jan insisted on being called as soon as he found out that the party leader's name was Pippineous.(And until now Pippineous had steadfastly refrained from using.) Mazzy, Korgan, Jan, Aerie and Pippineous looked in astonishment as the ambulatory conifer walked tword them. As he approached closer, they could tell it was actually a human druid, clothed in moss and with about 20-30 pounds weight of twigs and leaves stuck in his beard and hair. Pippineous instantly knew he was a tree hugging druid, only gone a bit far into radical "Nature Chic" to the point where instead of a few twigs and branches stuck into his clothing, he looked like he was a tree. Either that or he seriously lacked personal hygene skills, and had spent too much time in the forest. "Sorry, as the changling chameleon can blend its appearance to match its surroundings to better hide himself from predator and prey, I, Cernd have matched myself to my surroundings lest I am barred from fufilling nature's mission. I assume you are Pippineous Orcsmiter? As the eagle may not shed its claws, or the wolf its fangs, I can see the dangerous light in your eyes, and the feline grace of the..."rambled Cernd. "Will ye get to the point, yer walking privy for canines?!" roared Korgan, brandishing his axe. "Besides, he's sorta goofy...who tries to blend in to the background in a bar dressed like a frikking tree?" muttered Pippineous to Aerie, who started to giggle. "Well, the point is that I need your help with the presence of the Shadow Druids in the Grove..."started Cernd. JUst then a bright green tiefling with horns, red eyes and fangs dressed in a very fashionable white lounge suit with rhinestone buttons and gold piping on the seams walked up. "Hello kiddies, the name is Lorien, THE Lorien...you know, trasdimentional traveller extra-ordinare, fashion god and able to fortell the future if someone sings? Well, I just caught that snazzy number you just performed, and I can tell you..." started Lorien. "Gah! I'm stuck in crossover hell..." muttered Pippineous as both Lorien and Cernd tried to talk at the same time. Link to comment
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