Bri Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 I don't have too many comments to make on this one, but I hope you certainly intend to finish this one Domi. ;-) However, and I know I have mistakes when I post too, there is some odd word choice here: Neither the strongest, nor the quickest of his children, yet, by far the most stubborn, sais curtly: The word "sais" I think you meant to use "sighs" Heh, I was getting this image of a Japanese three-pronged knife getting angry. Also another one was "sparing with Alevein for a good half-an-hour. " when I think you meant "sparring." There were only a few other choices like this, as well as verb tenses that could be edited, but it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story. However, it is a clear reading, and I hope you get a chance to finish it. Link to comment
Domi Posted June 2, 2004 Share Posted June 2, 2004 Thank you, Bri. I have put aright the glitches you have pointed out. I do hope I can finish it. It is pretty depressing to look at the dusty files... Link to comment
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