Comments on "A Reverie"

[Bri]

I don't have too many comments to make on this one, but I hope you certainly intend to finish this one Domi. ;-)

 

However, and I know I have mistakes when I post too, there is some odd word choice here:

 

Neither the strongest, nor the quickest of his children, yet, by far the most stubborn, sais curtly:

 

The word "sais" I think you meant to use "sighs" Heh, I was getting this image of a Japanese three-pronged knife getting angry.

 

Also another one was "sparing with Alevein for a good half-an-hour. " when I think you meant "sparring."

 

There were only a few other choices like this, as well as verb tenses that could be edited, but it didn't detract from my enjoyment of the story.

 

However, it is a clear reading, and I hope you get a chance to finish it.

[Domi]

Thank you, Bri.

I have put aright the glitches you have pointed out.

 

I do hope I can finish it. It is pretty depressing to look at the dusty files...