Comments on A Touch of Spring

[Domi]

Yep, I find Attic quizes stimulating for imagination as well. And glad to see you writing your second story in two days It continued the topic of festivities nicely, and I for one enjoy your depiction of Nalia and the life in the castle a lot.

 

I have a couple of comments throughout the text, listed below:

 

Nalia’s gaze settled on her friend, and saw a tinge of green in her friend’s cheeks…and the redness of her eyes.

 

That was a really good touch

 

when someone thought it would Delainy more…amenable…for a roll in the hay if she was drunk.

 

I think it should be 'it would make' or similar

 

Nalia looked guiltily down at her tunic, the garland of flowers a riot of color on the eyes. It contained almost every flower she knew, and many she didn’t know such as purple foxglove, white daisies, yellow daffodils, orange chrysanthemums, and purple violets, most of whom had been grown indoors specially for the celebration.

 

I find it a bit odd phrasing that you list the flowers that she did not know. besides, I find it surprising that someone woul;d not know a daisy Maybe make them the ones she actually knew, especially since they were grown in doors, in D'Arnise's gardens. Or perhaps she could name them to Delainey, who might be more versed in wildflowers.

 

Nalia started to chuckle as she could picture Delainy’s tail wagging at the treat, then the sound died in her throat as the image clashed with the morals she professed.

 

Really liked that one

 

The song was funny too - and well, I assume that we will have Delainey's reaction and puzzlment in the full version.

[Bri]

Yep, I find Attic quizes stimulating for imagination as well. And glad to see you writing your second story in two days  It continued the topic of festivities nicely, and I for one enjoy your depiction of Nalia and the life in the castle a lot.

 

Well, while the initial part of In Sheep's Clothing would follow the events of Baldur's Gate II, I didn't want that to be the only focus. In fact, I had matters well in hand after the Bhaalspawn wars...(the one who would claim Bhaal's power wasn't going to be the obvious person...)

 

As well...I really like interludes with festivals and such...shame they couldn't put more like that in.

 

And what can I say, of the characters in BG II, Nalia is my personal favorite.

 

I think it should be 'it would make' or similar

 

Yep, corrected.

 

I find it a bit odd phrasing that you list the flowers that she did not know. besides, I find it surprising that someone woul;d not know a daisy

Another mistake. It was meant to be ones she didn't know...and the list was ones she did know. Will fix it.

 

Really liked that one

 

The song was funny too - and well, I assume that we will have Delainey's reaction and puzzlment in the full version.

 

One of the reasons I liked Nalia. She professed something, but sometimes found herself contradicting her own beliefs.