Proof-reading needed

[Senka]

Hello, All!

 

I need someone to proof-read Keldorn's Romance dialogues in English. Note that the original text

is in Russian, so an expert of English language is required (native speakers are most welcome).

It is very important to match the original Bioware Keldorn's style, so you should know him really

well. I won't lie to you: there is a hellish ammount of text to be proof-read, but at least the

initial translation will be done. This work is worth at least 10000 xp and a mention in the thanks

list in the readme file!

 

Senka

[Kulyok]

Heya!

 

(I'm not volunteering. Sorry.)

 

Big congrats on finishing the texts - and a small proposal, if I may. You mentioned a hellish amount of work, but you have not provided at least a small sample. I mean, I have seen your work, I know its level and all - but a potential proofreader hasn't, so they might be a bit wary of signing up for an unknown deal.

 

Good luck, anyways!

[Senka]

Good advice! Thanks

Little example:

 

//If PC is LG, NG, CG, if PC is not a thief (single, dual, multiclass), Then

 

//LT 2 Temple District, after exiting the sewers

 

 

SAY ~(takes off his helmet and turns towards <CHARNAME>) My Lady, allow me to pose a question. Forgive me, but I shall be direct: did I understand correctly, and you are a daughter of Bhaal?~

++ ~Ah… does it matter for our quest?~ GOTO KELT1.1

++ ~Hmm, can’t you feel his essence in me? ~ + KELT1.2

++ ~I did not chose my sire, Sir Keldorn, and Gorion did not tell me anything. Gorion, he was just like a real father to me…. It was only from his postmortem letter that I learned the truth. I would be gladly rid of this ‘gift’!~ + KELT1.3

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.1

SAY ~No. No, I was just making sure. What is your further course of actions?~

++ ~Really, I have no clue. I need to raise some money to pay my way to Imoen. ~ + KELT1.4.1

++ ~Evidently, I need to find an opportunity to earn some cash – someone had promised me to help finding Imoen, and it was not a charitable offer. ~ + KELT1.4.1

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.4.1

SAY ~What sum are we talking about?~

++ ~Twenty thousand gold, Sir Keldorn.~ + KELT1.6

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.6

SAY ~This is a considerable amount.~

= ~My Lady, you can count on my help.~

IF ~~ THEN JOURNAL ~ I met Sir Keldorn2.Firecam, *the* Sir Keldorn, whom I knew from my good old Ajantis’ tales. He agreed to accompany me without hesitation, even knowing about my heritage. Or maybe because of it? But help from an experienced warrior and a man wise in his years would come in very handy. I can’t really call him old, though. He is quite charming and seems to be very fit. I wonder, just how old is he?~ EXIT

END

 

 

IF ~~ KELT1.2

SAY ~My Lady, I am but a paladin of Torm, who can sense evil, no more than that. You have no malicious aura about you.~

= ~What is your next destination, if I may ask?~

++ ~Really, I have no clue. I need to raise some money to pay my way to Imoen. ~ + KELT1.4.2

++ ~Evidently, I need to find an opportunity to earn some cash – someone had promised me to help finding Imoen, and it was not a charitable offer. ~ + KELT1.4.2

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.3

SAY ~I believe your words.~

= ~What is your next move?~

++ ~Really, I have no clue. I need to raise some money to pay my way to Imoen. ~ + KELT1.4.2

++ ~Evidently, I need to find an opportunity to earn some cash – someone had promised me to help finding Imoen, and it was not a charitable offer. ~ + KELT1.4.2

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.4.2

SAY ~What sum are we talking about?~

++ ~Twenty thousand gold, Sir Keldorn.~ + KELT1.5

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.5

SAY ~This is a considerable sum. Where did the offer of help came from?~

++ ~(guiltily) I don’t know. But I suspect that it would involve the Thieving Guild. I have some experience of dealing with them.~ + KELT1.8

END

 

IF ~~ KELT1.8

SAY ~The Shadow Thieves? I promised to help you, my lady, and I will make good on my word.~

IF ~~ THEN JOURNAL ~ I met Sir Keldorn Firecam, *the* Sir Keldorn, whom I knew from my good old Ajantis’ tales. He agreed to accompany me without hesitation, even knowing about my heritage. Or maybe because of it? But help from an experienced warrior and a man wise in his years would come in very handy. I can’t really call him old, though. He is quite charming and seems to be very fit. I wonder, just how old is he?~ EXIT

END

[Kulyok]

Thanks! I'll just point what I think does not look good to me - and I truly hope you'll get help:

 

-"I did not chose" - "I did not choose";

 

-Might be just me, but "postmortem" got me stopped for a bit. I guessed its meaning, but I think this word is too "difficult", too "stylish". I would change it to simple "Gorion left me a letter before he died.";

 

- Graphic dialogue - "(guiltily)" - for example. I think your dialogue is good enough as it is. When Keldorn starts the dialogue, I already see him turning to CHARNAME; when she explains about Shadow Thieves, I see her looking guilty. So, perhaps, it is not essential.

 

- About your restrictions - I agree, but what about racial ones? What if she is a half-orc?

 

Again, good luck!

[Senka]

- About your restrictions - I agree, but what about racial ones? What if she is a half-orc?

 

Again, good luck!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No-no! Human, elf, half-elf. As usual

[Kish]

*cough*

 

Just to correct a misconception here: "As usual," if you mean Bioware standard, would include halflings, who can romance Aerie, Jaheira, Viconia, or Anomen just like humans and half-elves (and would arguably not include elves, as they can't romance Viconia).

 

Not to imply anything about what you should or shouldn't do with this or any other mod romance.

[Senka]

Thanks! I'll just point what I think does not look good to me - and I truly hope you'll get help:

 

-"I did not chose" - "I did not choose";

 

-Might be just me, but "postmortem" got me stopped for a bit. I guessed its meaning, but I think this word is too "difficult", too "stylish". I would change it to simple "Gorion left me a letter before he died.";

 

- Graphic dialogue - "(guiltily)" - for example. I think your dialogue is good enough as it is. When Keldorn starts the dialogue, I already see him turning to CHARNAME; when she explains about Shadow Thieves, I see her looking guilty. So, perhaps, it is not essential.

 

- About your restrictions - I agree, but what about racial ones? What if she is a half-orc?

 

Again, good luck!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

May be, you can help us with translation? We've got some problems, unfortunately

[Kulyok]

I am sorry, but as I have written in an answer to your PM at Aerie's, I have other time-consuming tasks that are not likely to be finished soon. I wish you luck yet again, but I simply cannot help you in this matter.

[Senka]

I am sorry, but as I have written in an answer to your PM at Aerie's, I have other time-consuming tasks that are not likely to be finished soon. I wish you luck yet again, but I simply cannot help you in this matter.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I saw it. Sorry. I already have one agreement.