I had to share this

[Domi]

I just had to share... I was browsing some fanfiction forum and I came across this... erm sentence...

 

Sitting on the wooden char, the brown, kneelength dress made from cotton had baggy sleeves going past her hands and making it hard to use her hands, Juliet did not want to seem ungrateful for the good food which Angeline had fixed for her made from mashed patatoes and turkey.

[MrEnnigma]

Ack! Tis like the screeching of nails upon a chalkboard to my little eyes.

[Domi]

The revised version after my incredibly tactful (for me) remark is this:

 

My daughter is acting strangely." Johnny, the father, said shamefully to Juliet, who blushed, trying not to seem ungrateful for teh clothes and food. The clothes consisted of a wool, brown, kneelength dress with sleeves that went past her hands, makign it hard to do anythign with them. The food was mashed potatoes and turkey, which tasted wonderful.

 

Accidently, that's half of the chapter

[BigRob]

Hmmm, needs some work.

 

And if that's half of it, it's one short chapter!

[julwise]

One that I liked from somewhere looked like this...

 

She walked in to find the towel in flames. "The towel is in flames!" she shouted.

 

[Domi]

*Giggles* Now, for the people who missed that towel is in flames the chorus stepped forward and sang: "the tower is in FLAMES!"

[BigRob]

.... and the other half of the chorus sings: "The tower is in FLAMES?"

 

and our heroine repeats: "The tower is in flames!"

 

 

 

or should that be towel?

[Domi]

*Giggles* and thus the story is born... neat typo though