Jump to content

I had to share this


Recommended Posts

I just had to share... I was browsing some fanfiction forum and I came across this... erm sentence... ;)


Sitting on the wooden char, the brown, kneelength dress made from cotton had baggy sleeves going past her hands and making it hard to use her hands, Juliet did not want to seem ungrateful for the good food which Angeline had fixed for her made from mashed patatoes and turkey.

Link to comment

The revised version after my incredibly tactful (for me) remark is this:


My daughter is acting strangely." Johnny, the father, said shamefully to Juliet, who blushed, trying not to seem ungrateful for teh clothes and food. The clothes consisted of a wool, brown, kneelength dress with sleeves that went past her hands, makign it hard to do anythign with them. The food was mashed potatoes and turkey, which tasted wonderful.


Accidently, that's half of the chapter ;)

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...