Comments on 'Choices'

[Pen52]

The title says it all, I think.

 

Is it a believable scenario? I'd be really interested in hearing how this reads. I tried to create a feeling of urgency, here, and I'm wondering if that manages to come across. Also, if I managed the capture the sensations that someone would feel if they were in this position (dying a slow death)?

[Bri]

I apologize for taking this long to read the story, but it was well written.

 

Indeed, the scenario makes sense to me. After all, if one is dying, then it would make it more reasonable that someone would note other presences, such as Sarevok...especially if they were being pulled into the same place.

 

After all, in the game it is basically assumed that you open a door, and bam, Sarevok is there. That always bothered me a little since if he had enough power/will to get that far, then he could probably have gone further without the Bhaalspawn's help (Yes, I know, he needed a fraction of the soul in the game to become alive again...)

 

Heh, and yes, I think you did a fine job on creating the sense of urgency, as well as the fight for life (of course, that would also depend on the wounds one suffered )

[Menelanna]

well i gave you a comment over at Fanfiction.net but I will do so again over here because I think this story is so good. Really this is much more believable than what actually happens in ToB. There is no way my PC would bring her dear brother back to life unless her own life or the life of someone she loved depeneded on it.

It is a very well written story and I hope to see a continuation of it.

[Pen52]

I apologize for taking this long to read the story, but it was well written.

 

 

Thank you. It was not much of a delay, really.

 

Indeed, the scenario makes sense to me. After all, if one is dying, then it would make it more reasonable that someone would note other presences, such as Sarevok...especially if they were being pulled into the same place.

 

Yes, that's true. I was wondering if people would pick up on this - I didn't hammer that point in, but just let it lie there. I'm glad that this comes through.

 

After all, in the game it is basically assumed that you open a door, and bam, Sarevok is there. That always bothered me a little since if he had enough power/will to get that far, then he could probably have gone further without the Bhaalspawn's help (Yes, I know, he needed a fraction of the soul in the game to become alive again...)

 

Just one of the many plot-holes in the begining of TOB that I will happily explore here.

 

Heh, and yes, I think you did a fine job on creating the sense of urgency, as well as the fight for life (of course, that would also depend on the wounds one suffered )

 

Good, good. That's good to know. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[Pen52]

well i gave you a comment over at Fanfiction.net but I will do so again over here because I think this story is so good. Really this is much more believable than what actually happens in ToB. There is no way my PC would bring her dear brother back to life unless her own life or the life of someone she loved depeneded on it.

 

Well, thank you for commenting, twice! I'm glad that you enjoyed this.

 

 

It is a very well written story and I hope to see a continuation of it.

 

There will be a continuation, and pretty soon. I have some very definite ideas for it by now (including a two part/chapter story about Raesa and Anomen - yes, he comes along later - a kind of exposition on past experiences, and establishing the characters).

[Celtic Rose]

Well written and more believeable than the game's version.

I look forward to the next installment.

How far do you intend to take the story???

 

Hopefully waiting for more,

 

CelticRose

[Guest Guest]

Well written and more believeable than the game's version.

I look forward to the next installment.

How far do you intend to take the story???

 

Hopefully waiting for more,

 

CelticRose

 

 

Thanks, Celtic Rose.

 

As to how far I intend to take the story, providing time and inspiration, to the end of TOB. But this will not follow the plot closely, since I assume that most people that will read this are already familiar with that. This will focus on the characters instead, and give the TOB plot a cursory glance and a nod, enough for the story to move forward and function, but not taking away screen time from character interaction.

 

Sorry for not replying sooner, but I was on an extended vacation and this is the first time that I've seen a computer in three weeks.

[BigRob]

Comments for Choices, Chapter II

 

 

Nice work Pen52, well written and full of suspicion, confusion hate and paranoia from both parties. Sarevok's rise into true mortalhood is well handled, his enjoyment of simple warmth from a fire, his comparisons of his moods now to when he was a Child of Bhaal.

 

The title remains very apt, Sarevok has some serious choices in front of him, he needs Raesa, but he fears that she will kill him as soon as she's strong enough, he fears the coming of her companions. Looking forward to the further installations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And a couple of typos that I noticed:

 

Idle a moment, fingers traced the swirling inscription on the blade’s hilt. Dark, old blood coated the sharp steal, where yet more symbols spiraled over the reflective surface. Kara-Turan. Sarevok would recognize the intricate letters anywhere. Raesa had used it in battle, before coming here – that much he could tell. The stains proved it. Just as well - that spatter of blood on the blade, the evidence of a kill, gave his exercise an added thrill.

 

Should be "steel".

 

A few steps amidst the stone, and Sarevok turned right, behind a likeness of a sneering orc, maul wide open, sharp teeth showing. A wooden statue of an elf-woman caught his eye, some distance away; the lines of it, the delicate carving, all stood in stark contrast with the rest of the vast mausoleum. The ugliness around it heightened its beauty. He lengthened his stride, without thinking.

I think that's meant to be "maw".

 

 

 

The creature looked even more panicked, now. “Noooo!†“The Master is…†The wheals in the thing’s head practically creaked and groaned from disuse. Cobwebs flew from all the internal dusting. “Um… slim? Very… err… pretty?â€Â

Should be "wheels".

[Pen52]

Thank you for taking the time to comment.

 

Nice work Pen52, well written and full of suspicion, confusion hate and paranoia from both parties. Sarevok's rise into true mortalhood is well handled, his enjoyment of simple warmth from a fire, his comparisons of his moods now to when he was a Child of Bhaal.

 

Good to know -- Sarevok's pov was hard to start writing, but once into the 7-th paragraph, he started writing himself.

 

And yes, Sarevok will have to face some serious choices in the next few chapters, and so will Raesa.

 

Than you for pointing out the typos. I was just about to edit this and post a tweaked version of the chapter, but those particular typos escaped my notice. Thanks!

[BigRob]

An interesting continuation of the story. The struggle between Raesa and Sarevok continues, and despite being in an obvious position of power, Sarevok's not having it all his own way.

 

Sarevok's intentions are still somewhat mysterious, as it's not obvious what he's waiting for. If he were simply trying to earn Raesa's trust, would he not give her the healing potions, or is this indeed his intention, but he's making sure he's got some insurance in case that does not work. It'll be interesting to see what happens after that one day that he was asking for. Keep it up!

 

 

 

 

Her back pulsed; pain seeped back into her bones. “Two can play at the bating game, Sarevok.†Raesa kept the tiredness at bay, hanging on with the tips of her fingers. “Best you remember that.â€Â

 

I've spied a minor typo there, that should be "baiting".

[Pen52]

Thank you for the comment, and for catching that typo.

 

As for Sarevok's intentions, this could go two ways... I haven't decided which yet, though. I hope you'll keep reading!