Comments on "The Story of Branwen and Eirik"

[Miloch]

Good to see you working on this again. Just a few nitpicky things as usual.

 

1st paragraph: Raag = Raag Hammerstaad, king of Norheim (just to make it clear to readers unfamiliar with the setting); "of the Ffolk" might work better than "a Ffolk."

 

The casual reader might also assume the first Branwen you mention is in fact the Branwen of the BG1 saga, when in fact it is her grandmother. You might want to footnote this initially to avoid confusion (or perhaps just give her an epithet like "the Raven-Haired" to distinguish her from Branwen "the Fair" or something of that nature).

 

This sentence still seems a bit unclear to me: "We sailed southward not to victory; who opposed Tristan Kendrik in Caer Corwell." Perhaps "We sailed southward not to victory. Instead, we allied ourselves with an evil power and opposed Tristan Kendrik in Caer Corwell" (again, just more background for those unfamiliar with the setting).

 

Next paragraph: "season improving" > "season will improve"

 

Ch. III: King Ingi - I don't see this one in the chronology. Another relative of Raag's?

 

In the last paragraph in this section, you've already described the younger Branwen and her heritage earlier. So perhaps the first sentence could just be: "During this time, Eirik began to take an interest in Branwen the Fair, Thurstain's granddaughter." (Who are the Sidefolk?)

 

Ch. IV: split first sentence into two after Audun.

 

Ch. V: Furies1 - did Moonshae have these?

 

Hope to see some of this history incorporated in your mod dialogue soon .

[EiriktheScald]

Auril, Umberlee, and Malar (all servents of Talos) are referred as the Gods of Fury -- just taking liberties with the phrase, that's all.

[Bri]

Just got a chance to read this, but let me say very promising beginning.

 

And from reading the short chapters, it is reminiscent of the Eddas to me.

 

Auril, Umberlee, and Malar (all servents of Talos) are referred as the Gods of Fury -- just taking liberties with the phrase, that's all.

 

Also, don't be afraid to take some liberties with material, if it makes sense Heh, I remember someone trying to say, "The god wouldn't act like that..." little realizing the god in question had donned a female guise (which was canon at the time)

[EiriktheScald]

Tempus may be their battlelord, but for a sea-fairing people I would think they'd also be concerned about the temperamental deities of storms.

 

Thank you; though I'm indebted to those who helped with proofing the text, both here and over at SHS.

 

Hope to see some of this history incorporated in your mod dialogue soon .

berelinde had years of pnp sessions to understand Gavin; I'm still getting to know Eirik, having created him initially for BG as a player character.

[BigRob]

Tempus may be their battlelord, but for a sea-fairing people I would think they'd also be concerned about the temperamental deities of storms.

 

There's very probably shrines to the various Gods of Fury all over the settlements of the Northmen. I could see a lot of attempts at placation before a voyage, particularly for a raid on the Ffolk, where the Earthmother might not be so happy to have them sailing about.

 

 

 

 

Good story Eirik, I like the saga-like style, it gives the whole thing a lot of atmosphere. I like Eirik's lesson in pride in the most recent installment, it fits in nicely with the kind of character who'd voice his intention to woo Branwen just before setting off on a journey. And the way Kjartan uses a personal connection to beg for Eirik to walk away unharmed works well with the kind of closely personal relationships viking style kings would have needed to keep their thrones.

[EiriktheScald]

Glad you like it so far. Not to give too much away, did you notice some foreshadowing in the most recent chapter?

[EiriktheScald]

Added a chapter concerning Branwen's childhood (chapter III) and also revised (now) chapter IV which describes Eirik's first encounter with her.

[BigRob]

Glad you like it so far. Not to give too much away, did you notice some foreshadowing in the most recent chapter?

 

I did indeed spot the foreshadowing, the introduction of

Martein, Ref, Audun the priest. Well, we know Branwen's future, don't we?

 

 

Nice work on the additional edits too, I'm looking forward to seeing the saga completed.

[EiriktheScald]

I did indeed spot the foreshadowing, the introduction of

Martein, Ref, Audun the priest. Well, we know Branwen's future, don't we?

We do? Oh, yeah, we do! I hope to have a few surprises in store, at any rate.

 

Nice work on the additional edits too, I'm looking forward to seeing the saga completed.

Wrapping up Ch. VIII soon. The additional edits I found necessary to strengthen the plot.

[EiriktheScald]

I've expanded ch. VII; adding more descriptive passages of the region surrounding Hammerstaad and the king's great feast hall. That's it for a while. Presently I'm reading Nile's second moonshae trilogy, which takes place around the time Eirik visits more of northern isles.

[EiriktheScald]

Back with my fingers to the keyboard. I've finished Ch. IX, which describes Eirik's first sea voyage beyond the shores of Norheim. He travels with Raimund, his brother, to Caftenor: an island at the southern end of a long chain of small islands, known as the Korinn Archipelago.

[EiriktheScald]

Ch. X is finished, and might seem a very familiar story to you. Here we have fire burning around a barrow, and inside is darkness and a foul smell of decay, etc. This story isn't by any means original, for there are many tales of breaking into graves in the sagas, and all are roughly of the same pattern, from which it is derived.

 

As for the inhabitant of the grave-mound, the usual word for him is draugrâ€â€that is, the animated corpse which dwells within, brooding over its treasures; and there seems to be no example of such a creature being described as an elf.

 

I talked with Miloch at length about this:

Draugar were more like wights - undoubtedly where Tolkien got his ideas for barrow-wights (which DnD in turn took from him). But that might be a bit much for a level 1 Eirik, so a zombie would work too. They had a taste for flesh and blood of any sort - some of the sagas have them buried with the (still-living in some cases) horses and dogs they owned in life.

And I'm sure Eirik will have something to say about your encounter below Candlekeep.

[EiriktheScald]

A sneak-peak of Ansgar's sword, from chapter 10.

 

[Vigdis]

Oi, why was the story removed? I saw it on the forums earlier, my mind was like 'damn damn damn, a saga, I have to read it when I have the time, Bragi be praised!'... and now it's no longer there... can I read it elsewhere?

[EiriktheScald]

I decided to remove it. I was in the process of a re-write, but quickly lost momentum this summer. Now I'm busy with job interviews, having decided to pack-up and leave New York.

 

Sorry.