Comments on "Danse Macabre"

[Grim Squeaker]

I'm not entirely sure why I wrote this piece of fanfic. It's one of those things that I was pretty sure I'd never do but then I got an idea and my mind began to wander. So feel free to post what you thought of my first and probably only attempt at BG2 fanfic.

 

Oh and yes I know some events aren't entirely canon, but it works for the story

 

Also, I know that Seifer posted a piece of fanfic with the same name. Meh.

[jester]

Although I hate fanfic in general with a passion, I must admit that I loved the theme and had some lovecraftean moments with it. Great job!

[morningglory]

Nice work, Grim. You should write more.

 

MG

[Garfield]

I loved it, except you killed my two favourite characters

 

Everything is well written, and I like how Jaheira's feelings are emphasized on.

[Grim Squeaker]

I was actually pretty nervous about posting it, so I'm glad you guys like it.

 

Garfield: Sorry about that but one of them was kind of necessary. The other just sort of happened while I was writing. Seemed like the thing to do...

[Sorrow]

*purrs*Delightful .

[Garfield]

Well, it is not a problem. Another thing I liked and I forgot to mention: the repetition pattern with "Khalid was dead"-> "Jaheira was dead" and the "Jaheira..." at the end of the chapters.

 

I think you drawn a very nice portrait of Nalia: young and fragile, as I see her, and not as a wealthy little girl.

 

And now, I'm gonna play BG2-ToB all over again jsut for the sake of romancing Jaheira ^^

[Bri]

Indeed, well written Grim.

[Western Paladin]

Well, it is not a problem. Another thing I liked and I forgot to mention: the repetition pattern with "Khalid was dead"-> "Jaheira was dead" and the "Jaheira..." at the end of the chapters.

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I noticed that too - it was very, very effective. I liked the story a lot.

[Guest DalreïDal]

Hm... I'm a little hesitant. I really liked the story. The ambiance was deliciously dark, and the storyline very simple, free of detailed, and focused on the message you carried through.

 

Although, well maybe it's just a feminist here speaking, I was a little... hm... irritated by Jaheira *fearing* like that. It's hard to explain... I imagine Jaheira strong. In this context, I saw the first time (in De'Arnisse keep) she seeked Kalen's touch as a good chapter. It was a nice touch of vulnerability that made her otherwise adamant character believable. However, I have a feeling that you've "overdone" it slightly in the next chapters. I remember at some point getting the feeling "come on, she can go on on herself, no need to have her hang from his arm like that".

 

But it's just a minor, *minor* criticism. As it's already been told, the repetition is very efficient. There's also some likable irony to the fact that it's her desire to save Kalen from the vampires that eventually led her to kill herself. Really, what I prefered of your story was the ambiance and the very focused storyline, and all that you suggested (especially the ends of chapters) but let hang into the air.

 

Agreed. You should write more

[Grim Squeaker]

Thank you for your comments. On the vulnerability/weakness think: yes, I suppose I did break her a bit, but that was kind of my intention. I wanted to have the strong Jaheira character starting to fall apart as everything in her life changes so rapidly e.g. her husband dies and she expects herself to be strong and carry on but she actually seeks comfort from her best friend, which entirely confuses her. I admit maybe it is a little overdone, but then again, my story isn't the whole of what happens between the start and the finish, just the highlights.

 

Once again, thank you all for what you've said. It's possible I'll write more in the future, but for now my writing is confined to mods