Bovine Economics...

[Grim Squeaker]

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

 

ENRON CAPITALISM : You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION : You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION : You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION : You have two cows. Both are mad.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION : You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION : You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

 

A HINDU CORPORATION : You have two cows. You worship them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION : You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

 

A WELSH CORPORATION : You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

[Mongoose87]

I laugh at this. I like the Japanese one particularly. And the Swiss one. But the British one is more appropriate for Canada.

[Userunfriendly]

This was udderly funny...

[jester]

This was udderly funny...  

 

Do you remember the list about the dead horse and management? I will have to find it again somewhere.

[MyFinalHeaven]

I laugh at this.  I like the Japanese one particularly.  And the Swiss one.  But the British one is more appropriate for Canada.

1 cow sick in a whole bloody province of cows.America goes crazy and bans all canadian beef,when no other cases have been found,and still haven't been found,thus ruining the Albertan economy.

 

 

Ok,I'm done.

[Bri]

I agree MyFinalHeaven that I found the American response too harsh. However, it isn't like we are the only ones that do it. When salmonella was found in a few chickens not to long back, nations from Japan to Mexico banned the importation of chicken products too.

 

Sometimes overkill is the rule of the day...

[Loké]

I remember when American cows were found to have BSE and IIRC they got upset when all the countries banned american beef.

[MyFinalHeaven]

I agree MyFinalHeaven that I found the American response too harsh.  However, it isn't like we are the only ones that do it.  When salmonella was found in a few chickens not to long back, nations from Japan to Mexico banned the importation of chicken products too.

 

Sometimes overkill is the rule of the day...

Yeah,I guess you cannot be too safe with possibly contamenated food.But the Albertan in me gets pissy when it comes to this subject.

 

And where is the Canadian one? Something about "screw the cows,lets play hockey!"..........and on this note,Go Flames

[Mongoose87]

Canadian Corporation: You have two cows. You try to make bacon out of one. You realise that bacon comes from pigs and get drunk with the other cow.

[MyFinalHeaven]

Canadian Corporation:  You have two cows.  You try to make bacon out of one.  You realise that bacon comes from pigs and get drunk with the other cow.

Cows make good drinking buddies

[Mongoose87]

Australian Corporation: You have two cows. You tied them to a gumtree. One is eaten by a dingo. The other is acutaly a group of frogs clinging to each other.

[Guest Guest]

Yeah,I guess you cannot be too safe with possibly contamenated food.But the Albertan in me gets pissy when it comes to this subject.

 

  Not to be overly mean but I seem to recall a ban of American beef exports after the American mad cow. Certainly Japan and I believe other countries too banned American beef.  Why do I point that out? Well, just to say that Canada was not the only place in the world that has been affected by the mad cow situation.

 

 

Not to be overly mean but I seem to recall a ban of American beef exports after the American mad cow case. Certainly, Japan banned American exports but I believe other countries did as well. Why do I point this out? Well, just to say that Canada was not the only place in the world to be affected by the mad cow situation. Also. I cannot help but notice that US is damned whatever we do, and we, apparently, always react unreasonably. As an American, I am not always sure that I buy into that point of view. (I am unfamiliar with the smillies here. I hope this smillie indicates a gentle grin.)

[jester]

The horse stuff I promised allthough completely unrelated. Well it has also four legs. A business major must have.

 

Dakota Indian tribal wisdom on project management

 

The tribal wisdoms of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that 'when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount'. However, in many companies as well as in the UN and NGO community a range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

 

1. Changing riders

2. Appointing a committee to study the horse

3. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses

4. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included

5. Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.

6. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse

7. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed

8. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance

9. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance

10. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the mission of the organisation than do some other horses

11. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses...