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BigRob

Comments on "The Irony of Fate"

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Just finished reading the first part of the story, and its a good start, very nicely polished and just a couple of minor problems that I could see.

 

One is that you've spelled "ankheg" incorrectly (only strange people remember how to spell that). The second is that I thought that the symbol of the Order of the Radiant Heart was a radiant heart, not a crescent. Unless you know something abut that that I don't (I'm not all that up on it, mind you), you might want to consider changing that, or perhaps making it a symbol of a northern branch of the Order.

 

Of course, it's short, so there's not much time to get aquainted with our heroine, but it does have some potential for continuing. Perhaps now we have an explanation for the Bhaalspawn's trip down south in the first place. Keep it up, DalreïDal.

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Other than the things BigRob pointed out, I don't really see to many problems. I have to agree that is a good start, especially if you plan on continuing this.

 

(*grins* And glad that both chapters are still here :) ).

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We lost your original comments somewhere in the database issues, but the second part is looking as good as the first. It'll be interesting to see where you go with this, but I think Ilire and Ajantis are not going to have a good time of it. :)

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ARGH! What's wrong with my posts??? Sorry about their disappearance, I didn't notice... Repeated answers:

 

One is that you've spelled "ankheg" incorrectly (only strange people remember how to spell that).

Corrected. Thanks for pointing it out. :D

 

The second is that I thought that the symbol of the Order of the Radiant Heart was a radiant heart, not a crescent. Unless you know something abut that that I don't (I'm not all that up on it, mind you), you might want to consider changing that, or perhaps making it a symbol of a northern branch of the Order.

Actually, iirc, I got the "crescent" word out of one of Anomen's dialogs ("cannot wait until I ride into battle with the Order's crescent flying over my head" or somesuch). Although that could have been figurative on Anomen's part. Anyone got any info on the Order's symbols?

 

Aside from that, I just wanted to thank you very much for the review :D I'm always glad to hear from readers... and thanks for ankheg's spelling... since I'm officially a bad IE navigator, I never managed to check it anywhere but in-game... Now I have a reference :(

 

Other than the things BigRob pointed out, I don't really see to many problems. I have to agree that is a good start, especially if you plan on continuing this.

 

(*grins* And glad that both chapters are still here ;) ).

Thanks! I reposted both chapters, and I hope they'll stay there... but it should be ok now (that kind of rare bug can't strike ME down twice in a row!). I do plan on continuing this... it's gonna be a long-term project, and I hope to keep people interested :D

 

We lost your original comments somewhere in the database issues, but the second part is looking as good as the first. It'll be interesting to see where you go with this, but I think Ilire and Ajantis are not going to have a good time of it. :)

Thanks for reviewing this again :D You're right... Ilire and Ajantis won't have an easy time in the next chapters...

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Nice bit of continuing work. The relationships between the characters have a good sense of life, though now it looks like we'll be leaving Ajantis' family behind. I'm sure anyone that's played BG2 will see the rough direction this is going in, but the next few chapters (and the introduction of Anomen?) are going to be quite interesting.

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Agreed, this is an intriguing story. I am especially interested to have a look at the finished series and compare it to jastey's Ajantis for BG2, when it comes out - how similar(or different) will they be?

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I like this! The characters are all so vivid (right word?), and, although Ajantis isn't really present at the moment, I think you captured him brilliantly. (I feel honored you are using the Ilvastarr's family outline I drew for Bg1NPC (beyond cannon information), btw!)

 

Kulyok: I think I can say without giving too much spoilers that my vision is differently, as in Ajantis BGII CHARNAME never made it to Waterdeep but got captured by Irenicus before.

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Wow... lots of thanks for the reviews, guys!

 

Nice bit of continuing work. The relationships between the characters have a good sense of life, though now it looks like we'll be leaving Ajantis' family behind. I'm sure anyone that's played BG2 will see the rough direction this is going in, but the next few chapters (and the introduction of Anomen?) are going to be quite interesting.

Hey, thanks :) You shouldn't worry too much about not seeing Ajantis' family anymore... they're gonna be there a few chapters still. I tried writing a longer part than usual from another POV than the PC's party, so the Ilvastarr are going to be there a while yet.

 

Agreed, this is an intriguing story. I am especially interested to have a look at the finished series and compare it to jastey's Ajantis for BG2, when it comes out - how similar(or different) will they be?

Thanks too for taking the time to comment on this :) Well, since I write this without any idea of what Jastey will do, then I guess I have no bias. I know I played BG1 NPC project, so necessarily my picture of Ajantis is influenced by her writing, but the events are my invention entirely... I hope I don't come too close to her ideas and "spoil" anything, although that doesn't seem likely...

 

I like this! The characters are all so vivid (right word?), and, although Ajantis isn't really present at the moment, I think you captured him brilliantly. (I feel honored you are using the Ilvastarr's family outline I drew for Bg1NPC (beyond cannon information), btw!)

 

Kulyok: I think I can say without giving too much spoilers that my vision is differently, as in Ajantis BGII CHARNAME never made it to Waterdeep but got captured by Irenicus before.

Hi Jastey! I'm honoured you review my humble story :) Of course the Ilvastarr had to be as you described them... if it weren't for you, we wouldn't even be able to romance Ajantis and "meet" them! And I hope my intended future storyline won't collide with yours or disappoint you too much...!

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Don't you worry about disappointing me! So far the story goes completely different than what I made up and that's very appealing! I read chapter four with great interest. Very intriguing idea to stress Ajantis' disappearing. The idea that he could have been missed by his comrades never occurred to me. I have to admit I am very curious as to how you will close the way to the BGII happenings in the Windspear Hills (assuming that is where you are aiming, that is :( ). Great thing!

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Hi Jastey!

 

I'm glad our ideas are different, that way I don't feel like I copied or cannibalized anything. And it means Ajantis' adventures have a lot of potential for imaginative creation ;) Yes, yes, I am going to end up closing on the Windspear Hills events... I have an idea how, but the when and the details of the how are rather unclear at the moment. I do have an idea, but I'm afraid it's too cheesy. Heck. We'll see how it turns out :D Thanks a lot for reviewing this ;)

 

Don't you worry about disappointing me! So far the story goes completely different than what I made up and that's very appealing! I read chapter four with great interest. Very intriguing idea to stress Ajantis' disappearing. The idea that he could have been missed by his comrades never occurred to me. I have to admit I am very curious as to how you will close the way to the BGII happenings in the Windspear Hills (assuming that is where you are aiming, that is ;) ). Great thing!

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I read part four a few days ago, but only now have the time to post my thoughts on it.

 

The story is coming along well, the continuing focus on Ajantis' family and their personal worries about him, as well as the possibility of a political or personal enemy of the family being involved is a great angle, and very realistic. It also folds very well into the vanishing of our heroine, feeding into Ajantis' family's fears, even though we all know what's really happening. I'm looking forward to future installments.

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Hi BigRob!

 

The story is coming along well, the continuing focus on Ajantis' family and their personal worries about him, as well as the possibility of a political or personal enemy of the family being involved is a great angle, and very realistic.

Thanks! This fiction is an exercise in "it's not fair" and "loose-ends-tying", so I'm glad you think that people worrying and wondering when a loved one disappears is giving a realistic feel to my new chapter. ;)

 

It also folds very well into the vanishing of our heroine, feeding into Ajantis' family's fears,

Thanks ;)

 

even though we all know what's really happening.

That's what you think ;)

 

I'm looking forward to future installments.

They'll come, they'll come... only give me a little time :D Thanks a lot for taking the time to review. It's really appreciated.

Edited by DalreïDal

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Nice work DalreïDal. Obviously this is going to be a long running thing! I liked this little aside with Keldorn, it kept the story moving and delved into his character very neatly. I liked the way his relationship with his family was handled. He loves them deeply and he knows he shouldn't be away so much, but he's blind as to how much they resent it and how little his justifications mean. Keep it up and I trust all the experiments with the chromatograph turned out OK.

 

 

I also noted a small spelling issue in the following paragraph:

 

“The cult states a new god has risen, but the Watchers received no indication that it is the case. It is more likely that the worship is of a false god, which lulls followers with promises of power to exact some price on them. There has been talk of people gauging out their own eyes in accordance to the teachings of that cult.â€Â

 

Gauging in there should be "gouging".

Edited by BigRob

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Hi BigRob! Sorry for the delay in answering, I was away on vacation :)

 

Nice work DalreïDal. Obviously this is going to be a long running thing! I liked this little aside with Keldorn, it kept the story moving and delved into his character very neatly. I liked the way his relationship with his family was handled. He loves them deeply and he knows he shouldn't be away so much, but he's blind as to how much they resent it and how little his justifications mean.

Thanks a lot ??? It's really nice to know that I managed to communicate what I was trying to say with this chapter and Keldorn's relationship with his family. He's a good guy though, so let's trust him to see reason yet :(

 

Keep it up and I trust all the experiments with the chromatograph turned out OK.

The GC better be OK or it'll learn to swim!!! Seriously, it's all right now, tied down to its counter so it wn't dance with the waves, nicely waiting for me.

 

I also noted a small spelling issue in the following paragraph:

Taken care of. Thanks for pointing it out!

 

And thanks for taking the time to review, I really really appreciate it :p

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Ah, things are heating up now. ;) So now we have Firkraag on the scene and we begin to see what is in store for our poor child of Bhaal... everyone loves an elaborately baited trap.

 

Interesting shift between the highly story driven Firkraag section and the characterful beginning of Lady Maria's bit of "unfaithfulness", which was merged very well into the plot itself. It makes me wonder if this is going to go on past the rapidly (?) approaching meeting between Ajantis and his wife.

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