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A half dragon tale V5: Sheena


Red Knight

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I very much liked the animation of the half red dragon in IWD2 but always wondered how it could be brought flawlessly and without overpowering such half race into BG2. I took on the challenge without much thought other than Sheena would be the fruit of a union between a female human and Lord Jierdan Firkraag. Hopefully, you will find an interesting story, a balanced NPC, and which remains true to the original Bioware game. I won't give you any money back, though.

 

 

Opening scene:

Lord Jierdan = I welcome you Sheena. My spies have been scouting vast lands over two years, and I was starting to despair ever seeing you.

Sheena = If I am to receive a warm welcome, Lord Jierdan, then why have your goons drag me here chained and gagged?

Lord Jierdan = Forgive my careless servants, I had asked Conster to bring you here as my guest certainly not to molest you. Be rest assured, I shall deal with it later.

Conster = My Lord, she wouldn’t reason with us and we lost four orogs in our attempt to have her safely bound.

Lord Jierdan = Her body appears free of injuries, you are excused Conster. As for you Sheena, let me tell you the reason of your visit. Ever since your mother's death and hearing of *a daughter* attending the funeral, I have relentlessly been looking for you.

Sheena = But…Why?

Lord Jierdan = A long time ago, I had a little fling with your mother . It lasted only briefly and I truly never expected a child would result from our union. I left her *unaware* of the heritage growing in her womb.

Sheena = You wouldn’t suggest that I am your…

Lord Jierdan = Daughter? Ah yes! Humans are prompt to concealment and deceit. Your mother's lies about your father probably entailed my premature death at the hand of some evil foe. By now, you should have guessed your father was not human.

Sheena = Your words are insulting. Let my mother rest in peace, she was a fine woman.

Lord Jierdan = Your mother was as pathetic as are all humans. Let go of that wretched human part of yours, it shall only bring you pain and death.

Sheena = Why did you entertain a relation with my mother if you despise the human race?

Lord Jierdan = My human form –at least when I assumed it- was curious and prying to know more about this carnal ritual they call love. In the end, your mother proved to be an amusing experiment.

Sheena = I don’t want to hear anymore of this; let me go!

Lord Jierdan = *I say* when it is over! I have great plans for you.

Sheena = And I don’t want to take any part in it. It is likely filled with evil intent.

Lord Jierdan = You are headstrong child. For your own sake, I will not allow you to neglect such opportunity.

Lord Jierdan = Conster, I want the child to reflect on her predicament. Have her locked in one of the empty cells. A few days of confinement will soothe her impetuous will.

Conster = Yes, my Lord.

Sheena = You are a monster! I shall not let myself be caged so easily. (Polymorphs into half red dragon)

Lord Jierdan = It is fruitless to resist, my power far exceeds yours. (Polymorphs into red dragon)

 

Second edit of the opening scene:

@100 = ~I welcome you Sheena. My spies have been searching the lands for over two years, and I was starting to despair at the thought of never meeting you.~

@101 = ~If you intended to give me a warm welcome Lord Jierdan, explain to me why your goons dragged me here in chains and gagged?~

@102 = ~Forgive my careless servants, I had asked Conster to bring you here as my guest, and certainly not to molest you. Rest assured, he shall be dealt with later.~

@103 = ~My Lord, she wouldn’t listen to reason, and we lost four orogs in our attempt to safely bind her.~

@104 = ~Apart from a few bruises, she appears unscathed. You are excused Conster. As for you Sheena, let me explain the reason for your visit. Ever since your mother's death and words reaching my ears of *a daughter* attending her funeral, I have relentlessly been looking for you.~

@105 = ~But…Why?~

@106 = ~Long ago, I met your mother. Our relationship lasted only briefly and I never expected a child would result from our fleeting liaison. I left her *unaware* of what was growing inside her.~

@107 = ~Are you suggesting I am your-~

@108 = ~Daughter? Ah yes! Humans are prone to concealing the truth, veiling it with countless lies. Those of your mother about me undoubtely entailed my premature death at the hand of some evil foe. By now, you should have realised that your father was not human.~

@109 = ~Your words are poison. Let my mother rest in peace, she was a fine woman.~

@110 = ~Your mother was pathetic and weak, as are all humans. Let go of that wretched human part of yours, it will only bring you pain and death.~

@111 = ~If you *so* despise the human race, then why did you have a liaison with my mother?~

@112 = ~Assuming my human form, I was once curious and eager to know more about this carnal ritual humans call love. In the end, your mother proved to be nothing more than an amusing experiment.~

@113 = ~I don’t want to hear anymore of this! let me go!~

@114 = ~*I* will say when it is over! I have devised great plans for you.~

@115 = ~And I want no part in them! They are likely filled with evil intent.~

@116 = ~You are headstrong child. For your own good, I will not allow you to neglect such a grand opportunity.~

@117 = ~Conster, I want the child to reflect on her predicament. Lock her up in one of the empty cells. A few days of confinement will break her impetuous will.~

@118 = ~Yes, my Lord.~

@119 = ~You are a monster! I will not let myself be caged so easily.~

@120 = ~It is useless to resist, my powers far exceed yours.~

 

 

 

 

I refrained from using bad language, sex and more generally abusive content. So it may be enjoyed by all.

 

A larger preview, some screenshots and the current developments can be found here:

Sheena's lair

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I don't like to be critical, but if you want Bioware standards, your writing just doesn't fit. It's full of bad grammar and phrases that don't make sense. If Firkraag is anything he is eloquent, and this dialogue is... not eloquent. I can fix up the grammar and some characterisation elements if you'd like, send it your way, and you can ditch it or use it. And, er, if you want writing credentials I can give them to you. I could give you a sample of my writing too.

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Here's an example of what I'd change.

 

Opening scene:

Lord Jierdan = Sheena. *Dearest*. It has been so long. You *are* an amazing creature, aren't you? From here to the Spine I have a thousand eyes and a thousand ears and yet you have eluded me. I was beginning to lose all hope of ever finding you.

Sheena = And how warmly you welcome me. These disgusting creatures aren't exactly a shining retinue are they? These chains are not garlands of fragrant flowers!

Lord Jierdan = Forgive my impudent thralls, Sheena. Conster was to welcome you into my home as a guest, not a fugitive. Rest assured, dearest, this will be dealt with.

Conster = M-my Lord, she... she would not reason with us! She slew four of the guard before she could be restrained!

Lord Jierdan = Hm. She is intact, I suppose, and that is all that matters. You are excused, Conster. As for you Sheena, let me illuminate the situation. I heard of your mother's death some time ago. Such a beautiful morsel, her mortality is... *regrettable*. I also heard the talk her funeral generated. People were saying things, dear Sheena, things about a girl with fiery eyes and a regal bearing, who stood like an grand tombstone over her dead mother's grave. A girl whose presence was as daunting as it was scintilating, a girl of great power.

Sheena = Go on.

Lord Jierdan = You may not know it, but your mother and I were passionate lovers, for a time. Oh how that woman could dance, laugh, kiss. But I grew tired of her, as a child grows tired of his toys. But our union was not *fruitless*...

Sheena = You... you would tell me that I am your...

Lord Jierdan = Daughter? Ah yes! It is a trait that humans share with dragons, this penchant for secrecy and deceit. I imagine your mother had no desire to tell you that your father was some lusty noble, some terrifying and lordly entitie. So she lied to you, kept me a secret.

Sheena = Let my mother rest, monster. You were privelaged to ever have met a woman as great as she.

Lord Jierdan = Your mother was a tool, nothing more, just like the rest of her pathetic race! Let go! Let go of the curse of humanity, it will only bring you pain and death. I can cure your mortality.

Sheena = Answer me this. If her race is so deplorable, what prompted share her bedchamber?

Lord Jierdan = Boredom. An experiment. An insight into the carnal rituals of human love.

Sheena = I don’t want to hear anymore of this! Let me go!

Lord Jierdan = *I* will tell you when you've heard enough! I have *great* plans for you.

Sheena = No. I will have no part in your foul machinations.

Lord Jierdan = You have inherited your headstrongedness from your father, no doubt. However, I cannot allow you to forfiet such a gift as this.

Lord Jierdan = Conster, this girl needs some time for quiet reflection. Take her to the dungeons.

Conster = Yes, my lord.

Sheena = Monster! I *will not* let myself be caged so easily. (Polymorphs into half red dragon)

Lord Jierdan = It is foolish to resist my will, daughter! You are an *ant* in the domain of a *god*! This will end in *my* favour, no matter what the outcome!(Polymorphs into red dragon)

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Here's an example of what I'd change.

 

 

Some time ago, Kulyok pointed to me, and I couldn't agree less, that I should find a *native* editor. You're simply bringing me old news. Unfortunately, you leave far too many typos in your posts to be a useful editor. Besides, I'm in that hobby because I enjoy writing a few stories on my free time, and not because I crave for fame, so the better writing thing is unimportant as long as it remains my own creation. I therefore wonder who gave you the right to plagiarize my own ideas without my approval?

 

Anyway and since I know it is daunting task, I wish you luck creating Larok.

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Heh, I *am* a native English speaker and would still have someone comb my work for ways it could be improved. To my mind, it's always good to get another set of eyes looking over a project, whether that project is a story, a mod, a novel..whatever. A fresh perspective often picks up on details that the original author overlooks, simply because it's damned hard to critique your own work.

 

Just my two cents.

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That wasn't plagiarism.  Troll would have had to release the mod as his own for it to be plagiarism.......He just made a suggestion.

 

I feel the term plagiarism applies whenever someone uses someone else's ideas or writing, and goes ahead rewriting it, then publishes it (makes it public), without the original author's consent. The latter is the most important part. And it does not necessarily need to be published in a specific container like a MOD, a post is enough.

Suggestions are welcome as long as -fill it in yourself since everyone has different feelings-.

 

May I ask why you couldn't agree less?

 

My grammar problem as much as bad phrasing has long been a self improvement issue, so letting someone take care of it, is like giving up.

Looking again at some of my early dialogs, yes I realize, there are still some grammar mistakes.

First line: '...despair ever seeing you' should be 'despair of ever seeing you' and there are a couple of others. It seems, I'll have to visit yet again all my text or finally give up.

Grammar aside, I don't have much time online, and that cripples me as far as modding is concerned. I seldom post or interact, except my own threads and don't have time to ask for help, make friends, check other's people work, well, the sort of things people usually come here for.

All I do is publish the same old thread with a link to my website containing a few more writing samples, some screenshots and let people decide whether they're interested in playing the NPC. Checking the rouglhy ten threads I've posted on five forums, my private e-mails, is as much time I can spare online per day. There's a thread at BWL that explains it all.

I wrote this NPC because I have free offline time. I wanted a half dragon in my party and none was available, and no one was working on one. Once I've wrote it and played it, I thought I'd share it. Some of my later work contains less problems (grammar and phrasing), or so I naively believe.

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Actually, a non-native editor is fine, too, it's just I had been afraid somebody'd ask *me* for help back then.

 

And asking for specific help(especially if somebody is offering to help) is not giving up at all. It is learning. If not for my editors, I'd never have learnt that "hair" is not plural in English, that they say "in the least" instead of "at the least", and my use of articles would have been abysmal. Well... more abysmal than now.

 

It's up to you, of course. Either you want your mod to be good... or you don't.

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Red Knight: Troll couldn't have plagiarized "your" idea, since it wasn't yours to start with. I had a half-dragon daughter of Firkraag several years ago as part of a fanfic called "Firkraag's Tale" (currently off-line, but I keep meaning to finish it off and repost it), and I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person who came up with the idea either.

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